Category Archives: Parenting

The Working Mama Weekend Saga~

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I just joined the work-outside-the-home Mamas Club this fall. I am working part-time as a teacher for a small bi-lingual school where my kids are now attending. It has been both wonderful and challenging. If you are in this “Club”, then you know exactly what I mean.

It’s a Wonderful Life…

I LOVE teaching. I forgot that I loved it. I have been out of the classroom for about ten years now. I was a bit intimidated at first, but I really do love everything about it…being in the classroom, doing projects,sparking interest in learning (occasionally get to see this), planning the lessons, and yes even some grading (I’m a little odd though).

Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a SAHM (stay at home mom), but the kids are now ALL in school. Jie Jie even has a teacher and goes half days – which is why I’m part-time ~ and I’m okay with part-time. Part-time is E.N.O.U.G.H. Really.

It’s a Crazy Life…

I am part-time, but my Mom and Wife duties are still full-time. I still take Jie-Jie to therapy twice a week. I still have meals to cook. About Thursday, the laundry becomes Mt. Darks, Mt. Lights, and Mt. Whites. My floors and bathrooms still need cleaning. Life is crazy. My weekends are bogged down with housework and lesson plans. I feel like I’m just surviving at times.

I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive.

You, too? We can thrive, I just know it. I’ll be honest, I don’t have all the answers, but here has been my weekend saving trick. It will blow your mind. It is so cheap, so easy to find (okay, you may have to look under a bed or in a closet), and some of the time easy to use.

The Children…yep, I’ve recruited the kids to help out with the chores. They can vacuum, fold clothes, clean the bathrooms, dust, and take out the trash. Some of these chores they get paid for, like taking out the trash. The others they don’t – it’s just what they do as part of the family. Kids learn valuable life skills while doing chores. And we all want them to be able live on their own when they graduate from high school, right? Right! And since your TCK will probably not live that close to home after graduation, all the more reason to teach them a few skills while they are still under your roof.

So, get those kids geared up to grab the dust rag and help out around the apartment. Sound difficult? It is, but giving them the option of going to friend’s house or having friends over afterwards motivates them pretty quickly.

So, here’s to the weekend. Hope you are able to get outside or do something you enjoy to do that is not on the “To Do” List.

Your Turn: Have any tips of your own that helps lessen the work on the weekends? Please share in the comments below.

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Happy Mid-Autumn Festival

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Tonight is probably my favorite Chinese holiday of the year. It isn’t Chinese New Year – which I think if I had been a TCK in Asia and got red envelopes with money inside every year, I’d probably move CNY to the number one spot.

It isn’t Lantern Festival, which is pretty cool with all the very ornate lanterns lit up.

It’s Mid-Autumn Festival –

I like it for several reasons.

1. It’s outside – I like watching the families gather outside to bbq on small hibachis. They have short tables and stools that they squat around with the hibachi in the middle. Everyone is cooking and chatting.

2. Aroma – I like the smell of the charcoal burning and the meat cooking.

3. Food – I really like mooncakes. I like the red-bean paste ones the best, but the rest of the family prefer the pineapple ones. Some of you may think, “Red-bean? What?” Just trust me, it is sweet and yummy.

This past week, I had the opportunity at school to make mooncakes. Homemade mooncakes. One of the moms came and taught all the kids how to make the dough and wrap it all us. It was so much fun. My son informed us that it was the best he has ever had.

This is our view tonight as Mid-Autumn Festival is being celebrated all around us. My little TCKs are in bed now and I’m enjoying the quiet, but I wanted to wish you all a Happy Mid-Autumn Festival this year!

 

 

Another Quick Fix…even when you are the guest

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Montgomery Improvement Association Booklet, ca. 1960At this point in our lives, we do not own a home. We’ve thought about it quite a few times, but we always struggle with where. I mean, my husband’s parents live in Europe, mine in North America and we are in Asia. Where do you plant the roots? Yeah, there will be a post about this at a later time...

Traveling “home” means staying with people or house-sitting for others while they are away. Usually for us, it means family. Don’t get me wrong  I LOVE seeing family and staying with them has been great.

Until those little TCKs came along…

They got into every drawer. Ran through the house like it was an amusement park. Threw balls. Threw tantrums. My extended family on both sides are wonderful and extremely gracious. They say all is fine, but I know deep down they are looking at their watches counting the minutes until it is time for us to go to the park, take a nap, or bedtime. Then they sigh with relief as another day has gone with only a few minor damages have been noted.

And you sigh, too, until you spot it. The one thing you can’t believe was left out on the table for anyone to grab and use. And to top it off the cap is off – it’s even missing. Picking up the little nemesis, you spot the mark.

Dreadful music is now playing….The Permanent Marker has struck again! Flashbacks of other times that little damage maker has made his appearance: on Ge Ge’s face, on the walls, and now….your mother’s beautiful wooden table.

Yep, true story, and my shoulders still tense up thinking back to that moment this summer. Thankfully, I remembered a little tip from the days when Ge Ge was a mere baby with a nice black streak from mouth to ear. Permanent marker is seriously one of those things that just keeps popping back into my life. I think it wants to test my power to remove its marks.

Have you had the Permanent Marker strike at your house (or while you were a guest)? Here’s my tip. It sounds a bit crazy, but it really works. And the best is that you can buy it almost in any country.

Before…

Toothpaste. Simply rub the paste onto the mark and it comes right off. Here’s pictures to show the before and after affect.

There was a huge sigh that evening for sure. 😉

After…

Your Turn: What is your little nemesis that keeps returning, trying to take you down? Got a tip to share or a funny story? Please leave a comment…I need a good laugh this week, so come on and share. 

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Public Transportation and Children, including Special Needs…

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crowded bus

*photo by nats’ photostream at flickr.com

Imagine getting on this bus with Baby in the front pack and Toddler trying to free his hand from yours. You help Toddler climb the giant steps up, only to find the bus crowed with no seats. With Toddler in front, you tighten the grip of his wriggly hand while you grasp with the other hand the hand grip swinging from the ceiling. The bus lurches forward. You stumble a bit. You close your eyes praying for your lives and cursing yourself for taking the bus. Then someone smiles and gets up so Toddler can sit. You stand swaying back and forth, or more likely jerking forward and backward while bouncing Baby, who at this point has started crying. Somehow the bus gets more crowded. Your stop is coming up. You begin planning the exit strategy in hopes that you don’t loose Toddler and don’t crush Baby. Then, the Mommy Panic Button is pushed – what if Toddler doesn’t get off with you? What if he gets lost? 

Imagination or Real?

Maybe you didn’t have to imagine this because you just experienced it this week AND to top it all off you are in a foreign country. I’m pretty sure I have had this kind of a day. It was WAY too easy to write for me to have imagined it all up.

Transportation Holder

When our son became old enough to have his own transportation card (like a debit card for buses and subways) we bought him a holder that went around his neck. All the kids now have one. Jie Jie just got a new one for her recent birthday.

photo.JPG

“But a transportation holder isn’t going to help…”

No, just having the holder and the card are not going to help. I agree. That is why we decided that in case we should get separated from our kids, they need to have our phone numbers in the holder as well. So, we have my husband’s business card with his cell number inside, too. This card is written in both English and in Chinese. The dual language is important – not everyone can read English, so the language of your host country needs to be on the card as well. The kids know they are to ask someone to call that number if for some reason they find they are lost.

Special Needs Addition

Since Jie Jie is a special needs child, we have added  a little more information to her holder. We also have a card that states, in English and Chinese, that she is a special needs child who cannot speak or have anything by mouth. Then both of our cell numbers are on that paper as well.

I’ve been thankful that the kids have not had to use those business cards to call us. Tomorrow morning we will climb those steps again and face the crowds. We take the bus to school most mornings. Even though the kids have gotten really good about staying close and paying attention when it’s time to get off, I feel a little better knowing they have our numbers in their holders in case something does happen.

Your Turn: Do you use public transportation with your kids? What has been your experience? Share your story below.

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How to Prepare for Typhoon Days (or other stay at home days)

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Typhoon Guchol Approaching Japan

photo by NASA

It is typhoon season, and once again we are about to get hit with not one, but possibly two nice sized typhoons.

Typhoons can complicate life. They mess up plans to go out and play. They cancel school and work, which is usually welcomed in this family. They cause some city-wide panic as everyone runs out and buys all the instant noodles at the grocery store. We can learn from the locals, though.

Be Prepared:

Typhoons are predicted days in advance, so there is time to be prepared. You can go out and buy the extra staples like milk, eggs, bread, instant noodles, extra water, candles, batteries, etc. I advise that you do this, but this is not what I’m talking about today. No, today I’m talking about something I always want to do, but never get to it because of my “To Do” List.

Preparing Fun with my TCKs:

Usually, I clean the house during a typhoon. I’m home and can’t go out. The kids can play in their rooms or watch a movie. I can get SO much done because we don’t have to go anywhere – we can’t go anywhere.

It hit me yesterday as I looked at my soon to be 11-year old son. I’m “wasting” valuable time cleaning when I could be spending time with my kids. They are going to be at an age where they may not want to play a board game with us, and then too soon they will be off to that place called university.

YIKES!

Be Intentional!

I cleaned the whole apartment yesterday. Today I am planning the “fun” with the kids for the typhoon that will hit sometime in the next day or so. We will play board games, do some crafts, and probably bake together. I want to be more intentional with my life and this is one way I can do that.

I have found that my kids share things on their mind while playing a board game. We discuss questions they may have. We find out what they are thinking about. We laugh at jokes. We find out how creative our kids are, or not. We explore. We experiment. We bond. Bonding is what I want and to get that the vacuum, the mop, and the “To Do” list must be put away.

Your Turn: How about you? How do you prepare for those snow days, typhoon days, or other vacation days when the kids are at home? Please share in the comments below.

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Packing Problems? A Quick Fix

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114/365: April 24 2007

Photo by ::d::’s photostream via flicker

It is that time of summer when we all travel back to our homes overseas. Many of us are getting our kids ready for the new school year. We’ve bought new school clothes, maybe even some supplies that are hard to find in the country we are now living in.

I have just returned from such a trip and as I re-packed our belongings I realized I had a problem.  I have this same problem each time we visit family. It doesn’t matter if it is in the US or in Germany, I struggle with this.

The Overstuffed Suitcase Dilemma                                                          

Please tell me I’m not alone in this. I followed my own tip, “Stash It”, when I packed to go to the US this summer. I thought that having that extra bag would be enough. I even packed clothes to take that I knew I’d leave behind and not take back, which would leave more space for the new clothes and gifts that we acquired while there. Sadly, I still had the Overstuffed Suitcase Dilemma. Fortunately, though, I found a solution.

Plastic Storage Bags

I have used these oversized shrink-wrap storage bags to help me pack up winter clothes and blankets in our apartment, but I’ve never used them for packing suitcases. If you’ve never used one before, they are really great. You simply put the desired clothing or other clothed-based material into the bag and zip it up. Unscrew the cap, and then place the hose of your vacuum cleaner on the opening. Turn your vacuum on and let it do the work. Once the air is out, put the cap back on. It usually shrinks it down to at least half the size. Take a look at what I did for packing.

Before

After: One blanket wouldn’t fit.

The Important Tip 

The one thing you must remember is that the weight doesn’t change. My pile of lap quilts my sister made still weighed five pounds after I bagged it, but I had a whole lot more space to use.

Your Turn: Have you ever used these storage bags for packing suitcases? Do you have other tips to share on gaining more space (I know, don’t buy anything to bring back. HA!) Please share in the comments below.

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Making Change

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Change

photo by spcbrass via flickr

I was standing in the check-out lane and opened my wallet to see that I had about two handfuls of change. I am headed back overseas in a few weeks, so I want start getting rid of the excess change. As the cashier began to ring up my items I noticed that the there were a few people standing in line behind me waiting patiently.

My heartbeat picked up.

My hands started sweating.

My eyes darted into the wallet trying to make out what kind of change I had, so I could quickly pull out what I would need.

A few seconds later, the cashier told me how much I needed. What? I didn’t hear him. I frantically looked at the register to get a read and asked again for the price. He told me.

I handed the bills and began to dig for the coins I needed. My fingers were not working. The coins kept slipping from them. Finally, what seemed like five minutes, I got the exact change and handed it to him. I know I heard a sigh from the person behind me.

The cashier handed me the receipt. I apologized and quickly made my exit.

I’m in the country I grew up in, yet counting change causes me to stress. What in the world? Here is what I think it is…

1. The money is foreign. As expats, we live outside the country for at least 11 months or longer ~for me it’s been 2.5 years. The money has become foreign. We are used to our RMB, Yen, Euro, or Pounds and have forgotten what “home” country money feels like. If you’re a TCK, it may all feel foreign and familiar at the same time…

2. Identity problems. I’ve lived in Asia for over a decade and there is so much grace when I don’t get it right because I don’t look Asian. As for going to Germany, I look the same, but as soon as I open my mouth the people there understand and have shown me grace. Being in the US, I look and sound “American”, so they are so confused that I can’t count change, don’t understand the debit card scan, or whatever the “new-to-me” procedure is in public places. If you’re a TCK, is this how you feel all the time?

So, how to beat this? I guess I could “play” with the money before I get back to just get a feel for it. Instead, I just keep shopping and using cash OR I skip the cash part and use the debit card. As for the identity problem, I’ve thought about putting on an accent at the checkout, but mine is terrible and I’d probably start laughing at myself and blow it. So, instead I just take a deep breath and remember that it’s okay and normal ~ my friends all have the same problem and we will sit with our tea/coffee at the end of the summer laughing about the “trauma at the grocery stores” and how we “survived the cereal aisle”. 

Your Turn: Do you struggle with making change in your “home” country? What makes you “sweat” in your home country that didn’t use to? If you’re a TCK, what are your thoughts? Please comment below.
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Keeping the Culture: US Independence Day

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"Uncle Sam's Birthday. 1776- July 4th 1918. 142 Years Young and Going Strong."

Have you ever worried that your TCKs are going to forget or not know your home culture? Are you afraid that they are missing out on all the cultural festivities and knowledge about where you are from? That they are just not going to understand their heritage?

My kids are third culture kids(TCKs). Most of you have read my bio so I won’t bore you with details. In case you haven’t had the chance here is a shortened summary. I’m from the States, my husband is a German MK, and our kids are growing up in Asia.

Sometimes I wonder about the above questions. I know they are getting a great education. I know they are learning so much about the world by living overseas and going to school with children from all over the world. I’ve read books and have attended conferences to learn more about these resilient kids. I’m following blogs of top experts on the subject and even blogs by adult TCKs to gain more understanding. I do all of this and still I wonder.

I’m sure you do too, or you wouldn’t be reading this post.

So, what can you do to pass down your heritage to your kids?

Celebrate the holidays. Yep, this is one way I am doing it. Independence Day for the US is in a few days. I’ve had the opportunity to read part of this book to my girls. I’ve planned crafts and activities to do with them as well.
Since we are in the US, we will get with family and grill and celebrate together. We might even be able to shoot some fireworks off ~ I say might because it is so dry it might not be safe.
The years we have been out of the US for the 4th of July, I have had to be more intentional in celebrating. Sometimes, we’ve been able to attend parties hosted by the embassy. Other years we celebrated with just a few friends around the grill. And there has been a few years where it was just our family. But, no matter what, we brought out the red, white, and blue.
If you are a US citizen and wondering about some free simple activities that you can do with your kids, here are some ideas that I did this year with the girls.
1. Printed out simple readers that they colored and made into books. Click here for site.
2. Printed out some worksheets of the flag and the eagle. Click here for site. Note this site has some things for older kids as well.
3. Free coloring sheets here.
4. Glitter glue fireworks.                                                
Click here for the website.                                5. Blow-Paint fireworks here.
Super Easy, little messy. 

Your Turn: Do you celebrate your home country’s holidays with your children? If you’re a TCK, did your parents teach you about specific holidays from their home country? Was it helpful, why or why not? Please comment below. I would LOVE to hear your ideas, thoughts or if you have other activities to share, please do!

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The Importance of Good-bye

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The last ride last night.

My guys left for the airport a few hours ago. They both needed to get back home. I am staying in the US for another month with the girls.

Each time we leave a place we make sure that we and the kids get the opportunity to say Good-bye, especially with family. Yesterday was that day for them. Most of my siblings came over for supper. One even brought their horses and dog so Ge Ge could have one last ride. After 10pm, hugs were given and some tears were shed. It was hard to watch.

More Good-byes this morning. More tears. This time harder for me to watch. Last night the tears were going out the door with them, but this morning as they pulled away in my sister-in-law’s blue Durango I witnessed the heartache of my family left behind. A behind-the-scenes moment if you want to call it that. Watching my mother and nephew was gut wrenching.

I’d like to skip this process and just sneak out when the time comes in a month. Bypass the tears. Skip the downcast faces. Miss the awkward silences of trying to come up with another topic to talk about to avoid the final good-bye. It sounds like a good plan, but my family would be furious and I know that the process of “grief” is needed for both sides.

Closure is needed. I’ve known this and my husband has made it a high priority to make sure good-byes are said properly.

 Properly = Eye contact, hug/handshake, and the words “Good-bye, Thank-you, Love you” spoken when appropriate.

The winter of 2009 my father passed away and I saw the huge importance of saying Good-bye. The previous summer we had the opportunity to be in the US with them. We had no idea it would be our last with him.

Yesterday we went to the cemetery with the kids. Mei Mei broke down crying because she wanted to hug him, to tell him Good-bye. I was able to remind her that we did that when we saw him last. We prayed and asked God to give him a hug for us and to let him know that we loved him. My heart was heavy, but so thankful that we were intentional about saying “Good-bye” that final summer.

We can’t know for sure when life here on earth is over. People die in car wrecks, plane crashes, and illnesses everyday. For this reason, each time we return “home” I have made it a point to make sure that I and the kids let the people in our lives know they are loved and special.

Your Turn: Do you do anything special with family when you leave them to return “home”? Please share in the comments below.

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5 Tips for International Traveling with Special Needs Children

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Wheelchair

photo by Tom Magliery

Earlier this week I posted about traveling with kids alone. I had just traveled with my two girls alone from Asia to the US. My oldest daughter has special needs, so I wanted to add a few other tips regarding travel with special needs children.

1. Ask for help. This may sound obvious, but sometimes I get into an independent mode and forget to ask for help. I have found that most people are willing to help when asked. During this last trip I asked for help with getting my carry-on down from the overhead compartment. I also asked the flight attendants for extra water. I have to mention that the flight attendants on my flights were extremely helpful and nice. Anyone that travels often will know how oddly pleasant this was.

2. Accept help. Another obvious, but for the flaw I have about independence, I have to remind myself to accept the help that is offered. I know I’m pathetic at times. This trip a man helped me get my luggage from the hotel van into the airport. Although, one needs to be careful and watchful about strangers when traveling alone, I have found that most people just want to be helpful.

3. Wheelchair/stroller use. If you don’t have a wheelchair to bring or you don’t want to deal with yours after you arrive at your destination, then use the airline’s wheelchairs. In the past, we have let the airlines know that we needed it and they have had them ready with someone to push them for us. One instance, we even got to ride in the golf cart from one gate to the next. For this trip, I chose to bring our own wheelchair. Jie Jie is walking okay, but she tires easily and with jet-lag and such I was afraid of meltdowns. I checked her wheelchair in at the gate and she walked onto the plane on her own. When we arrived we had to wait a bit, but they brought her wheelchair to us. Although, I do remember a few years ago they forgot to load the stroller, but the airline was great about providing a wheelchair at each layover. A few days later our stroller arrived at our door from the airline. So, if you do take your stroller/wheelchair make sure you have the correct address on the check-in tag.

4. Make it known. Let the people at check-in, security, and at the gate know that you have a child with special needs. This may sound so ridiculous, but I found that not everyone “saw” Jie Jie’s situation. I guess they thought she was just a child in a stroller? Anyway, letting the people know made all the difference. We were able to board earlier, and the security went really smooth. They were understood that we were going to be slower. Some officers helped me put my carry-ons on the x-ray belt. Most of them smiled and were friendly with the kids. I know this ALL depends on the individual, but I really had a good experience with security checks. 

5. Be grateful. I think as a parent of special needs children we sometimes have the expectation that we should get special treatment. Don’t get me wrong here, I agree that the disabled have rights and we need to stand in and fight for those rights. That is not what I’m getting at here. What I’m saying is, we shouldn’t forget to say “Thank you” to those who help, even if it is part of their job. Smiling at the people who are helping and being pleasant is another way of showing gratitude and it brightens their day, too. Demonstrating gratitude for our children, whether they are disabled or not, is a great way to begin teaching them to be grateful and polite to others early on. *Note that with international traveling, other cultures may not treat children with special needs with the same “rights” as the country you come from.

Your Turn: Have you traveled  with your special needs child? What are some tips that you have? Please share in the comments below.

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