How to Leave Well: Build a RAFT

As you may know, I’m celebrating this week with a giveaway contest of the book B at Home: Emma Moves Again by Valérie Besanceney. In the book Emma goes through the transition process of moving. Though Valérie doesn’t specifically use RAFT in her book, we see Emma building one.

This time of year is bittersweet for expats and their children. The excitement of summer coming means slower mornings – the breakfast rush of passing out pieces of bread to eat on the way to school is almost over. We know that we’ll get a few months break to recharge before starting back up in the fall. The crazy thing is that after a few days we miss rushing the kids off so they have something to do besides telling us they are bored. For me, though, this summer will be about the beach, a nice large cup of cold tea (I’m so addicted to these Taiwan teas), and it’s looking like packing boxes.

Yep, we are moving – just not sure when. Yeah, that is hard, but will save that for another post as I’m still processing the unknowns. Being married to a TCK, I’ve learned a few tricks from my husband in assisting my kids in this process called moving. My husband and I both really believe in building RAFTs, and this time we are being more intentional in helping our now older kids build their own.

I really don’t like saying, “Good-byes”. I’d just rather avoid or ignore all the emotions and feelings I have during this move, but I know I can’t  – I’ve just got to go through it because if I don’t I could regret it. I’ve found that building my RAFT has been the key for me to do it in a healthy and may I say, somewhat, graceful way.

So what is this “Building your RAFT” all about?

Are we building a boat? No, not literally. RAFT is an acronym that the late David C Pollock developed to help people transition. This process of moving can take up to six months or more. Below is the simple form of this model. If you have the opportunity to go to a seminar or workshop – GO! Seriously, it will change the way you do the move – and I’m not talking about a dance step.

R = Reconciliation 

Reconciliation is just that: reconciling with people, making the relationship right. Just because you leave a place doesn’t mean the problem goes away. It doesn’t – instead it goes with you. Research has been done on health related issues due to unforgiveness. Just google it and see for yourself.

A = Affirmation

Is there anyone you are super thankful for? Anyone who has helped you greatly while living in that city? Tell them. Let them know how much you appreciate them and what they did for you, for your kids, for your family. Awkward? Write a letter to tell them – but just tell them. You have the opportunity to make someone feel appreciated – and you’ll feel great that you did it.

F = Farewell

This is the not so fun part; saying good-bye. You immediately think of all the people you want to tell good-bye. An article I just read on this topic stated to rank your friends, which sounds harsh, but I do think is a good idea. Don’t forget to say “Good-bye” to places and things as well. This may sound strange, but it really helps to bring closure. This one is important for kids as well. Plan these “events” on a calendar so you get them in. I’ll write more on this later this week…so much you can do to help your kids here.

T = Think Destination

It’s just that – think about the next place. How will it be different from where you are now? How will it be the same? Go through this dialogue with your kids as well. It will help them in the process as well. Look up on the internet and read about the new place. Check it out on Google Maps. Reminder: It’s okay to feel excited about the new destination as you say good-bye to all the old things. It’s normal.

I’ll be sharing this week a little about how I’ve been using this model in our process of transition.

Again, don’t forget to enter the contest here. Also, you can get extra points here – but remember to let me know the comments section of that post if you want to be in the giveaway.

Deadline is May 30th.

 

Your Turn: Have you used this method when you moved? Or did you use another method. Please share a moving story. Please comment below.

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7 thoughts on “How to Leave Well: Build a RAFT

  1. Pingback: Helping Your TCK Say Good-bye | raisingTCKs

  2. Pingback: Coming out of Grief | raisingTCKs

  3. Pingback: Changing the Way I View Good-bye | raisingTCKs

  4. Pingback: Good-bye book | raisingTCKs

  5. Pingback: The Leaving Series – Part 1: Taking Time to Process | raisingTCKs

  6. Pingback: Rafts and Routines: How We are Surviving This Transition – AMY REASONER

  7. Pingback: Proper Send Off – Poorly Packed

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