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About MaDonna

I grew up in mid-west, USA. Moved to mainland China after college hoping to change the world. But, instead, my world changed. I entered TCK-land. I married a German TCK and had three little TCKs of our own. I describe the five of us as the "Fusion Family". We are fused together by cultures and disabilities. All three were born in mainland China. One has a genetic disorder called Cri-du-Chat. And one is adopted. The other is just a typical oldest child. I'm still that mid-west girl who loves a good steak, but with a splash of Asian flair caught eating curry in her tuna salad sandwich.

“I Am Special” Book Review

“I Am Special” by Lai Yit Loong and Catherine Lai is a picture book about their son, Benjy. Benjy is special because he is the youngest of four TCKs and the only son, but more so because he has autism. Written in first person, the reader gets a glimpse into Benjy’s life and the journey he is on. His parents write that, “through this sharing, [they] also hope to reach out and encourage many children out there who are on the same journey as Benjy.”

I believe this book does encourage other children. My daughter who has special needs likes to look at the pictures. I believe that she understands the message of the book, that she is special, too.

If  you are interested in getting a copy for yourself please know that all proceeds go to the organization Taiwan Sunshine. You can buy a copy of the book here.

*Next week, watch for an interview with Yit Loong and Catherine. It will be encouraging and inspiring as they share about raising their TCKs!

The Big “D” Word

Doesn’t the picture above just make you exhale – to feel like you could sit and stare at the sunset, to forget all that is going on around you? Yep, me too – in fact I’ve learned that some of the clutter that is going on around me is to my own doing – to my own collecting. This has become my equation:

Sell + Trash + Giveaway = Declutter.

To some that is a dirty word. I have to admit, I once could barely utter that word. I remember when we were first newlyweds and my husband got all excited about the first move and used the “D” word. I cringed.
“But, we might need that!” I said with clinched fists.
After about the, oh let’s say, the third move I had come around to liking the word. Declutter meant less to pack into a box and less to unpack once we got to the new place.

This week, I’m decluttering the apartment. Not because we are moving (that was last year), but because I am in need of it and the school is sponsoring a flea market. Yes, me…the one that could say the word only if we were packing up to move.

In the last five years I have come to realize that clutter controls you. Clutter wraps itself around you and tries to smother you. It hides in closets and builds up until one day it explodes all over the room to only leave your defenseless daughter buried beneath it. Clutter piles up on desks and oozes out of drawers. Clutter is bad. Declutter is good. Very good.

How do I do it? I tackle one room at a time. I have three piles. Sell. Trash. Giveaway. I ask myself these types of questions as I move from room to room:

  • Has this been worn in the past year? Will I truly wear it? Is it too small for the kids?
  • Do the kids play with these toys? 
  • Do I use these many pots and pans in the kitchen? How about plastic bowls? Do I have way too many?

The trick is to be honest with yourself and do the toys when the kids are NOT around. Seriously, they don’t miss anything you’ve not seen them play with in the last few months, at least mine don’t. 

Another quick tip: Don’t do it all in one day. Set aside a half hour or so depending on the room and declutter just that room. Do another room another day, but keep going until you have looked over every room.

Well, it’s back to decluttering and pricing for me. I just hope that I’m not tempted to buy more “treasures” this weekend. 😉

If you want to read another expat’s take on “decluttering” check out this article from Aisha Isabel Ashraf. Click here to read.

Your Turn: So is the “D” word okay to use in your vocabulary or does it make you cringe? How do you declutter your home and how often? Please comment below.

Colored Eggs, Painted Eggs…Happy Easter!

Today was Easter, but we have been celebrating for the past few weeks. We started with the season of Lent. As a family we didn’t “give up” something for the holiday, but we did something to help the kids anticipate the coming day of Easter. I put marbles in a jar, one for each day until Easter. Every morning the kids would take turns to pull out the marble. This was a great way for the girls to see how much longer it was until Easter.

On Good Friday we colored eggs and painted eggs. There is a difference. One is that coloring eggs is my childhood tradition and painting eggs is my husband’s. Coloring eggs is dying boiled eggs.

The kids still like to do this every year. Jie Jie liked seeing her fingers turn blue, so the project wasn’t messy-free, but loads of fun.

We shared some of our eggs with our neighbors and the kids hunted for the rest this morning before church. Fortunately, they found them all.

Painted eggs are eggs that have had the yolk and egg white “blown” out, and then cleaned. I attach a string to the egg and the kids then paint them with acrylic paints.

After they dry we hang them up on our Easter Tree.

Our Easter Tree is usually a palm looking plant, but a few weeks ago it died. Yep, I couldn’t believe it, so we had to use a substitute this year. I’ll be buying a palm like plant next year, as this just wasn’t the best.

Hope you had a wonderful Easter with your family wherever you are!

Your Turn: What are some of your traditions that you do with your family during Easter? Please share in the comments below.

Colorblind TCKs

 

"Silhouettes" by microsoft.com

This title maybe a little misleading. I’m not talking about not having the ability to differentiate between colors, but rather not seeing the color of people. To look at people from various parts of the world and not be focused on skin color.

I’ve noticed this with my children and their friends. Just a few weeks ago at church is a fun example. As you know Mei Mei is my Asian beauty. Her good friend is a blond beauty. They were helping her mother watch two young girls, one adopted from Asia.

Mei Mei’s friend suggested that they each take one to play with. She looked at the mother and said, “I’ll play with B because we are alike and she (pointing to Mei Mei) will play with A(the adopted one) because they are alike.”

My friend cocked her head and out of curiosity asked why she thought they were alike. She was wondering if it was because the similarity of skin color. Her daughter replied, “Oh, because A is quiet like her (pointing to Mei Mei) and B likes to run around and talk like me.” Mei Mei stood there shaking her head in agreement.

As my friend recounted the story to me, we both giggled and hoped that they both would always have this colorblindness towards people. That they would see the person, their heart, their personality way before the color of their skin.

Have you experienced this sort of colorblindness with your children? Share your story below.

The Working Mom

Schoolklas begin jaren '50 / Dutch classroom around 1950

*photo from flickr - The Commons

The past eight weeks I’ve been silent due to the fact that I was a teacher replacement for one of the teachers on maternity leave. I forgot how much I really LOVE teaching. It was so much fun to be back in the classroom. Using the Smartboard, planning projects, teaching writing, and being involved with middle school students. So. Much. Fun.

It was difficult though. Last time I taught in a classroom, I didn’t have children. Keeping up with homework and getting them fed a decent meal was a challenge some days. Also, having Jie Jie at home and balancing out the schedule with my husband on caring for her was a stretch. He did a great job, but he also had responsibilities that he had to do as well.

I’m not sure how mom’s do it all and survive. I had only eight weeks of it, and felt like I had run a marathon without training for it. So, my hat goes off to those who do it day in and day out, year after year. You all are truly superwomen in my book.

Here are a few tips I thought I’d share that I learned or wish I would have done to help ease the work load a bit more:

  • Planned out meals for the week/month more.
  • Used the crock-pot more.
  • School lunches packed the night before.
  • Sunday night sync schedules with my husband. Wish I had done this. Seriously would have helped me out with planning my schedule and communication would have been better, too.
  • Ask friends for help. This is the one that I’m bad at, but slowly learning that I can’t do it all on my own.

Are you a working mom? What are your tips? Please share in the comments below…

When Actions Speak…

photo from microsoft.com

You know that American phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.”  Well, today I experienced just that.

Walking along a busy sidewalk in Taipei. Gripping Holding the hand of Jie Jie, I noticed an older couple holding hands. They were probably in their 70s, at least. I smiled. The man said something. The lady let go of his hand and slapped him on the back. The elderly man chuckled. She smiled back and shook her head. Their hands found each other and with fingers interlocked together once more continued walking in front of us. My smile broadened.

I hope Uwe and I are just like that when we are 70, 80-years old.

Nice scene isn’t it? I mean, I didn’t hear/understand the conversation, but I gathered up enough about this couple to know that they have a love for each other still. It was apparent in the way that they interacted with each other.

About, oh say, twenty steps later, I was struck with this thought, What do my kids see from me? Do they see love? Do they see patience? Do they see forgiveness? Do they see joy? Ouch…

We tell our kids to do this and to do that. Or maybe more so, don’t do this or don’t do that, or stop that now. But, what are we showing them in our actions? They learn more from what we do, rather than from what we say. Seriously, think about it. What did you actually learn from your parents? Was it something they said? Or something they did? Yeah, me too…

Well, if you think times have changed because of social media…wrong. I just read a paragraph from a middle school student about the same thing. This student wrote about how adults always tell him what to do, but he sees that these same adults do just the opposite. Hmm, interesting, isn’t it?

Actions do speak louder than words.

Your Turn: Do you agree with this phrase or not? Why? 


新年快樂! (Happy Chinese New Year!)

Today is Day 3 of 15 of the Chinese New Year. As an expat in Asia, it just means another vacation day with the kids, but to my Chinese neighbors it is another day of celebrating with family…usually the wife’s family.

I’ve been more nostalgic this year. Maybe it is an age thing. Maybe it is because we moved again this year. Maybe it is just because I have time right now as I sit here and write. Whatever the reason, my first experience was wild.

I remember walking from my third floor apartment over to my friend’s apartment, which was just the next building over. Not far. I could hear the explosion of firecrackers booming and others popping like an automatic gun. I stepped out of the exit-way, only to jump back inside the stairwell. A flaming rocket had just flew by within inches of my head. I peeked out cautiously and wide-eyed. The quiet little neighborhood had turned into a free for all war-zone of a party. I covered my ears and ran towards the safety zone, heart beating as I ran up the stairs to the fifth floor apartment.

I’ve not experienced that kind of celebration for a few years now. Reasons?

A few years after I was married with babies, we’d hide out in hotels on the 19+ floor where we couldn’t hear a thing, except the TV episodes of “Friends” showing on Star World. Who wants to deal with crying scared babies at midnight? We didn’t.

Other years, Christmas and Chinese New Year’s vacations were linked together and we left the country to visit family for the longer vacation time. Christmas with extended family is always GREAT!

The past few years we have lived in Taipei. Most of the people that live in Taipei, especially in the area we had lived in, were not from Taipei. That meant they left for their parent’s home, leaving that part of the city very quiet, a bit on the eerie side. Our move has put us in an area of Taipei where people stay and celebrate. They are really from here.

This year we have experienced more of what we remember of CNY. Our neighbors have all decorated their doors with various banners.

One of the gods of CNY on neighbor's door.

Another neighbor with a banner.

We have decorated our door with the traditional red signs that some Christian friends gave us. If you want to read more about why this is traditionally done by the Chinese, you can read about it here.

Our door decoration.

We experienced the fireworks, though NOTHING like my first experience. Uwe and I stood on our balcony and watched a beautiful display of fireworks on the river for about 15 minutes or so. It was too cold for me to stay out longer.

As we stood and watched the green and red glows, an automatic gun sound blasted in the other direction. I looked up and saw the silhouette of a bamboo pole swaying over the building with about 2-meters worth of firecrackers popping it’s way up to the end. These loud firecrackers are to scare the evil spirits to not come into their home. I’m not so sure how much of this is still believed vs. tradition. I’m thinking a little of both.

So, what does tomorrow look like for us? Maybe we will go and let the kids spend some of the red envelop money. Close friends and family give children red envelops with money inside. Maybe we’ll watch more movies. Maybe we’ll go swimming in the local indoor pool. We are going to grill with some friends that evening. I am loving this break!

Your Turn: If you have experienced CNY, what is your most memorable one? If you haven’t, what aspect of this holiday intrigues you the most? Please share in the comments below.

And if you want to read more about this holiday, here is an informative blog post by Culture-4-travel about the 15-days of CNY/Spring Festival. Click here to read it.

Looking Past the Disability…gifts and talents

***This will be one of several pieces on lessons that I am learning from Jie Jie, one of my TCKs.

Disability. Handicap. Special Needs. Special Ed.  Words that just don’t tend to flow off the tip of one’s tongue easily when talking about a loved one or someone else’s loved one. I find that people (some, not all) feel uncomfortable using these words, especially around me. A mother to a mentally handicapped daughter. Hey, even I feel uncomfortable using those words to describe one of my most treasured gifts given to me. They are NOT pleasant words. They don’t bring encouragement or happy feelings, but they are real and can’t be overlooked.

My daughter is a three year old trapped in the body of an eight year old. Trapped is probably not the word that she would use. If she could communicate, I believe she’d tell me it is “Great!”  I mean, what three year old wouldn’t love to have the height to reach the cereal box to sneak a snack when mommy isn’t looking? I know she does. She doesn’t tell me in words. That smile of success, those squeals of joy complimented with the beat of hand clapping is enough for anyone to know she is quite satisfied with life.

Over the years she has been teaching me much about life, about giving, and about love. Every once in awhile, I’ll share it with you. Today is one of those days. This lesson is something I knew to be true in my head, but to really see it makes has made me know it and believe it to be true.

This lesson? That each person possesses a gift or a talent that just naturally flows from them. It maybe something that everyone notices like being athletic or joyful. Or something that is not noticed like discernment. Some may label these “gifts” as personality traits, unique qualities, or rather just a person’s nature. Maybe this is true, but I think it is more than just that. As a Christian, I believe we’ve all been given some sort of gift or talent that is to be used for God’s glory. 

Even people with disabilities.

My daughter? I see compassion and hospitality naturally flow from her personality. It isn’t a lesson I’ve taught or even really intentionally tried to teach. It is just something she naturally does.

Compassion. She cares for her stuffed German Shepherd, Shrek. She pets him, watches TV with him and tries to feed him real food when I’m not paying attention. She’s very caring for her baby dolls, making sure they are rocked and loved. Many days I’ll be handed the “baby” and a blanket. As I swaddle this doll again and again, Jie Jie signs for me to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.  And lately, I’ve seen her compassion for those hurting. One day I saw her facial expression soften as she squatted down beside another little girl that had just fallen down. Jie Jie patted the injured girl and rubbed her back until the girl felt better. She didn’t needs words to be compassionate. She didn’t need a band-aide. She was just compassionate to care and give.

Hospitality. This one just came to me right after Christmas. I have noticed that any time someone comes over for a meal or coffee, that Jie Jie always runs to her room and grabs either a book or a toy. At first, I thought she wanted our guest to read or play with her, but then I realized that after she handed off the item she would turn around and jump up and down with either a squeal or come and give me a hug. I feel like she wanted them to feel welcomed, to have something “fun” to do while they were visiting. To her just sitting and chatting is not so fun, I guess.

Now that I’ve noticed these gifts I want to help her use them more. I want to create opportunities where she can practice these gifts. I want to show her how to be gentle with my friends’ babies. I want to show her more ways to be hospitable in our home when guests come over. I want her to grow and develop in these areas that seem to be natural and in a way, easy for her.

Your turn: What gifts have you noticed in your children, whether they be special needs children or not? How have you helped them grow in those gifts? Have you ever thought about this kind of training? Please comment below.

Elections, Presidents, and Parties

Below our apartment....

Living abroad has always brought many fun opportunities.

  • Like meeting some of the players from the Chinese national soccer team.
  • Having the President of the country speak at your daughter’s field day because he went to that school as a child.
  • Interviewed on TV for various things, mainly because we are foreigners.

A few nights was just another to add to the list…and one that my kids will remember.

President Ma Ying Jiu making his way to the stage.

  • The President making a speech at the rally below our balcony.

President Ma Ying Jiu giving a speech at the Presidential Rally

Here’s a few snipets of things we heard/saw:
Fireworks shot from the building across the street. Our windows were shut at that point.
Whistles. Chanting. Shouting. Cheering. Flags waving.
Mamma Mia sung with intervals of a man screaming various chants that the crowd would repeat. Did I mention that this was taking place just 10-floors below us between 6-9pm?
President Ma giving his speech to rally the crowd to go and vote for him that Saturday.
Loud music.
50, 60, 70-year olds dancing. So wish I had a picture of this!

Yep, not something you see on a normal day, but then again what is normal when you live outside the culture you grew up in? It is all in the point of view of the beholder, isn’t it?

**Note that President Ma won the election and will remain the president of Taiwan for another four years.

Looking at the New Year

New Year’s Eve at Taipei 101

Growing up I was always into making New Year’s Resolutions. I vowed to diet, to exercise, drink water more, read more, etc. It was always pathetic and never lasted more than a month at the most. By February I was back settled into my old ways.

Then I got older and ditched the whole idea completely. I just lived from one year to then next with no plans or goals of better living. Well, I still thought about better living, but it just wasn’t a “New Year’s Resolution” type of a thought.

Then last year I came across something called, My One Word. Basically, you choose one word that you want your life to focus on that year. I really liked the idea because it wasn’t too specific that I’d fail, yet it was something that at least I could improve or challenge myself with for a year.

2011  was “Security”. With all the challenges and changes the we have gone through last year, it was a perfect word for me.  As a Christian, I was challenged throughout the year on where my security was. It was a good year of personal growth.

2012 is going to be “Intentional”. This word has been popping up in various things that I’ve been reading and in conversations that I’ve been in. I believe it is fitting as I want to be intentional in my health, intentional in parenting, and intentional in marriage…basically intentional living. I’m excited to see what this year will bring as I focus on being more intentional in the things that I do.

Your turn: Do you set New Year’s resolutions or goals? Do you stick to them? Have you thought about choosing one word for the year? What is your one word? Please comment below.