Author Archives: MaDonna

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About MaDonna

I grew up in mid-west, USA. Moved to mainland China after college hoping to change the world. But, instead, my world changed. I entered TCK-land. I married a German TCK and had three little TCKs of our own. I describe the five of us as the "Fusion Family". We are fused together by cultures and disabilities. All three were born in mainland China. One has a genetic disorder called Cri-du-Chat. And one is adopted. The other is just a typical oldest child. I'm still that mid-west girl who loves a good steak, but with a splash of Asian flair caught eating curry in her tuna salad sandwich.

5 Tips for International Traveling with Special Needs Children

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Wheelchair

photo by Tom Magliery

Earlier this week I posted about traveling with kids alone. I had just traveled with my two girls alone from Asia to the US. My oldest daughter has special needs, so I wanted to add a few other tips regarding travel with special needs children.

1. Ask for help. This may sound obvious, but sometimes I get into an independent mode and forget to ask for help. I have found that most people are willing to help when asked. During this last trip I asked for help with getting my carry-on down from the overhead compartment. I also asked the flight attendants for extra water. I have to mention that the flight attendants on my flights were extremely helpful and nice. Anyone that travels often will know how oddly pleasant this was.

2. Accept help. Another obvious, but for the flaw I have about independence, I have to remind myself to accept the help that is offered. I know I’m pathetic at times. This trip a man helped me get my luggage from the hotel van into the airport. Although, one needs to be careful and watchful about strangers when traveling alone, I have found that most people just want to be helpful.

3. Wheelchair/stroller use. If you don’t have a wheelchair to bring or you don’t want to deal with yours after you arrive at your destination, then use the airline’s wheelchairs. In the past, we have let the airlines know that we needed it and they have had them ready with someone to push them for us. One instance, we even got to ride in the golf cart from one gate to the next. For this trip, I chose to bring our own wheelchair. Jie Jie is walking okay, but she tires easily and with jet-lag and such I was afraid of meltdowns. I checked her wheelchair in at the gate and she walked onto the plane on her own. When we arrived we had to wait a bit, but they brought her wheelchair to us. Although, I do remember a few years ago they forgot to load the stroller, but the airline was great about providing a wheelchair at each layover. A few days later our stroller arrived at our door from the airline. So, if you do take your stroller/wheelchair make sure you have the correct address on the check-in tag.

4. Make it known. Let the people at check-in, security, and at the gate know that you have a child with special needs. This may sound so ridiculous, but I found that not everyone “saw” Jie Jie’s situation. I guess they thought she was just a child in a stroller? Anyway, letting the people know made all the difference. We were able to board earlier, and the security went really smooth. They were understood that we were going to be slower. Some officers helped me put my carry-ons on the x-ray belt. Most of them smiled and were friendly with the kids. I know this ALL depends on the individual, but I really had a good experience with security checks. 

5. Be grateful. I think as a parent of special needs children we sometimes have the expectation that we should get special treatment. Don’t get me wrong here, I agree that the disabled have rights and we need to stand in and fight for those rights. That is not what I’m getting at here. What I’m saying is, we shouldn’t forget to say “Thank you” to those who help, even if it is part of their job. Smiling at the people who are helping and being pleasant is another way of showing gratitude and it brightens their day, too. Demonstrating gratitude for our children, whether they are disabled or not, is a great way to begin teaching them to be grateful and polite to others early on. *Note that with international traveling, other cultures may not treat children with special needs with the same “rights” as the country you come from.

Your Turn: Have you traveled  with your special needs child? What are some tips that you have? Please share in the comments below.

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Top 5 Tips for Traveling with Kids ALONE

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Creative Commons – flickr

World travel with kids is doable and can be possibly fun if you do some planning and preparing beforehand. Usually, I travel with my husband, so we have split responsibilities to help each other out. This trip though, I traveled alone with the two girls. We traveled to Beijing for a few days and then on to the US from there. I can’t say that the entire trip was enjoyable, or that everything went just according to plan, but we made it to the final destination with only loosing one small backpack. Below are my top 5 tips that I was able to either do on the trip OR wish I had done.

1. Movies/TV shows. Since we can’t control the movies the airlines show –unless you are super lucky and get the individual screens – I try to upload their iPod with a new movie and some TV shows that the kids haven’t seen yet. I’ve also seen others bring the portable DVD players for their kids. The TV shows were also great for them to watch while we were waiting in line for check-in, immigration, etc. I only got a few TV shows downloaded, but will have more ready for that trip back.

2. Small “gifts”. I usually buy a few inexpensive items that are new to the kids. This trip I got each of the girls a new small notebook and pen. I gave it to them when they got bored with everything else that they had brought. I have always wanted to try wrapping small gifts and give them out every couple of hours during the trip, but just haven’t planned that well in advanced. Maybe I’ll get to the Dollar Store before I leave to return home and try that idea.

3. Snacks. I always take extra snacks to munch on for the kids and for myself because you know that airport food is expensive and kids may get hungry before the snacks and meals arrive on the flight. Also, I had the girls eating during take-off and landing to help with the ear pressure. For this trip, I should have added some chocolate for me, something that I could indulge in after moments of tension.

4. Tylenol. I take some sort of medication for headaches for myself. Also, I take some children’s Tylenol for those “just in case” moments. This last trip one of the girls had leg pains from growing and couldn’t get to sleep. I was so thankful that I had some children’s medicine to help her – and me.

5. Flexible. This is probably the number one thing…kids are kids. They have to use the bathroom more often, they need water and snacks, they have LOTS of questions, and they get tired and cranky. Also, plans don’t always turn out as smooth as you had hoped, so being flexible helps defuse problems from erupting into major meltdowns.

Your Turn: So, what are your top tips when traveling with kids alone? Please share in the comments below.

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Saying Good-bye Stinks…

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photo by flickr The Commons

Good-byes are never easy, especially when you live overseas. In many ways it is like death. You say your good-byes not knowing if you’ll ever see the person again here on earth. You depart. You cry. You see old photos. You cry some more. Then time passes and life goes on. You keep in touch with Facebook, email, and possibly even Skype, but most of the time you don’t.

It is hard, but what about our kids? Third Culture Kids grow up saying good-bye to friends every year. It is normal for them. Either they are the ones moving or a friend is leaving. It is just the way of expat life.

In a few days we will have to say good-bye to a couple of dear friends. We leave for the summer to visit family and when we return they will be gone. They are close friends of mine and their kids are close to my kids. So, how do we, as parents, help our TCKs deal with the coming and goings of people in their life? I’m not sure I have all the answers, but here is what I am trying to do this week.

1. *Talk about it. I have been talking to my kids about their friends leaving this year. We’ve talked about where they are going, how they feel about it, and to some extent what to expect next fall. For my oldest, he understands and has gone through this too many times for his ten years. As for my youngest, I don’t think she gets it. This will be the first time really for her to experience it. I’m expecting tears.

2. Listen. Stop talking and just listen to what your kids have to say about the situation. When my son was four, I cried with him when his friend returned to South Korea. Now I listen to my daughter tell me where her friend is going next. And I will sit and cry with her when reality hits.

3. Photos. Take photos of them together with their friends. Even if you have to force one from your older kids, they will be thankful later when they see it. This has been great for my whole family. We have photo albums of friends we’ve met along this expat journey. Make these photos visible if your children want that. Let them make a photo album of their own with memories of their friend(s) that are leaving.

4. Say Good-bye. Make sure they get the chance to say good-bye. Even if you need to drive a half hour to do so, just do it. Kids need that part of closure. Even better, offer to take the kids for ice-cream, swimming pool, or to the park. I’m sure the parents would appreciate the extra uninterrupted time to finish packing plus it is a great memory for both children. Another idea is to have them make cards for their friend leaving and be sure to exchange contact info with the family if you don’t already have that.

5. Listen. After the friends have long boarded the plane and are gone, listen again. It maybe a month later, but listen. Sometimes kids just need you to be there to cry with them. To know that it is painful and that you care about them. And then again, maybe they don’t want you around. Be flexible – don’t hover, but be available to listen. It’s a balance act that I can’t say I have mastered, but trying to fine tune it.

Saying Good-bye is never going to be easy, but I think we can help our kids make the transition by being there.

*I just read this article today by Julia Simens about transitions. I really like the idea of teaching my children that transitions happen ALL the time no matter if you are TCK being “left behind” or if you are in elementary school going into middle school. Transitions are a part of life, but I do believe that we need to help our kids through them. As you know,some transitions are a whole lot more fun than watching your best friend pull away in the car loaded with suitcases.

Your Turn: Got any tips on helping TCKs say “Good-bye” in a healthy way? Did you read Julia’s article? What are your thoughts? Please share in the comments below.

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5 Packing Tips for Visiting “Home”

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You know every few years (or maybe every year) expats travel back to their home country for a few months to a whole year. This is our year to go to the US to visit my family. We’ll just be there for a few months, but we leave in less than a week and I’m just starting to think about packing. Yep, I know I’m a bit behind to be just starting (at least some of you are saying that…)
One thing that I’ve noticed since having kids is that packing a suitcase has become more of an art. Packing clothes for the five of us, making sure the “I can’t live without it” stuffed animal gets in the carry on, shoes for all occasions, toiletries, etc.
Maybe you are in the same dilemma and are wondering what to pack, how to pack, etc.  Here are my top 5 tips.

1. List it.  This sounds crazy organized, and it probably is, but I list out what each person needs to take. (Note: I don’t pack for my husband, we have different tastes.) Do note that I’m packing for 4 people. I don’t make it specific, just general. Then when it goes into the bag I cross it off. That way I know what I’ve packed and what I haven’t (unless little hands help out and unpack it all for me). Because I’m a list freak, I also list out what is going in the carry-on.

2. Stack it. After I make a list I usually usually stack the clothes on my bed. I do this for two reasons. One it gives me an idea if I’ve over packed or not. Two, I can estimate how many suitcases I’m going to need.

3. Half it. I look at the clothes on my bed and I do just that. I take out about half from everyone’s pile and put it back in the dresser. I have found that we rarely wear all of the clothes that I’ve packed, so do the math. Half the clothes = more space on the return trip. Besides, the extra space is usually filled with clothes from the extended family or from the stores that we just can’t resist. You know what I mean, don’t you?

4. Stash it. I’m talking about putting a suitcase inside another one. I always do this because we tend to bring more back on the return trip than we do going there. This way, we have the empty suitcase already and we don’t have to buy another one once we are there.

5. Roll it. This is an old trick, but one that should not be forgotten. Roll everything you can. It just saves space. And don’t forget to roll the socks and stuff them in shoes.

As for gifts for the family…I stopped doing that awhile back when I realized that they pretty much had everything I could think to bring. Well, I might stuff in some Asian candy just for the fun of it….that always brings a good laugh with my mid-west family. Besides, it is a taste of “home” for my TCKs, which is always nice for them on these longer stays.

Your Turn: What is your top tip for packing? Please share in the comments below.

*photo credit: microsoft.com

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Mother’s Day

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Happy Mother’s Day!

A simple pink carnation…

Green plants with pink flowers dotting the arrangement….

Pink construction paper folded with a note scribbled by a child…

These thoughts fill my head when I think of Mother’s Day.

Having lived in Taiwan for a few years another thought has come to mind…Mother’s Day Ads.

Yes, ads selling cakes and cookies at the convenience stores, restaurants having special Mother’s Day meals, and other places offering whatever for a good price for your mother. It’s like Christmas for the Mom’s only club, which is great if you are a mom and if your family goes for that type of thing. 

I’m a mom, but my kids don’t get into the “buy mom all the great deals”. Do they love me? Yes. Do they appreciate me? I’m pretty sure most of the time. Does my husband not care and love me? He cares greatly and loves me way too much.

Why not go all out and get me the works? Because I don’t want all of that. I’d much rather spend time with them. In fact my favorite Mother’s Day was just a few years ago when they didn’t buy me a thing. Instead, my husband planned a day at the beach. He had a picnic packed and we left early before traffic. We were the only ones on the beach and it was perfect.

Waves splashing….

Sand in my toes…

Those are now my newest thoughts when someone mentions Mother’s Day to me now.

Your Turn: How do you celebrate Mother’s Day? Any special one that you remember the most? Please share in the comments below.

Happy Mother’s Day to you all!

Book Review: “Home Keeps Moving” by Heidi Sand-Hart

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by Heidi Sand-Hart

Summary: Heidi shares her life as a TCK/MK from India moving from country to country from continent to continent, and from culture to culture. She shares the joys, the excitement, and the hard ugly truth of the pain from her experiences. She uses many quotes from other TCK related books and then shares stories as examples. Some stories are her own, others are from fellow TCKs who have written about their own experiences. She discusses issues such as loss, grief, education, and “rootlessness”.

My thoughts: Loved it! I checked it out from the library and had a hard time not writing in it – so I am ordering my own copy soon. It’s not a “how to” book that gives tricks and secrets to making a TCK’s life work out perfect. Instead, Heidi gives the reader a glimpse of her journey in life. It gave me some insights to not only my children, but to my husband as well. She tackles some pretty tough subjects and I like that she doesn’t give a recipe on how to approach the difficult times. She reminded me that each TCK is different, so therefore the process for each is going to be different as well.

If you are a TCK and haven’t read this, I encourage you to check it out. It just might give you the courage to continue to seek out some unresolved issues in your life.

If you are a parent to a TCK – I recommend it just to be able to hear views from a TCK who is open and honest. You just might be get a few insights of your own.

You can get the book here at Amazon. Or if you want possible free shipping click here at Book Despository.

Your Turn: Have you read the book? What were your thoughts?

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A TCK kind of ad…

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Maybe you’ve seen this commercial from HSBC, but I just watched it today while waiting in the lobby at the American Institute of Taiwan. It made me giggle. I thought: This has TCK written all over it. Watch and see what you think…

I could totally see my kids doing this, couldn’t you?

Children and Visas…

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“If all this trouble saves one child from being trafficked, then it is worth it,” my husband said after he told me what all we needed to do to get visas for the kids for a two day trip to China.

Yep, I love that man.

Why are we going to China? It’s a fun expat story…

We decided to try to use our miles to get at least one ticket back to the US for the summer. Turns out that after years of traveling and saving miles we were able to get THREE tickets using miles. Amazing, isn’t it? So, I and the girls are using those tickets.

There’s a catch. There is always a catch. We have to make a stop over in China.

“That’s okay,” I say. “It is still cheaper to get three visas and a hotel than to buy three tickets. And, hopefully I’ll get to visit some friends while we are there.”

Last week I had a good friend book the hotel.

Visas. We called and found out that we need documents. Lots of documents for the kids. Original birth certificates. Passports. Old passports with old China visas. Adoption records. Basically anything that shows these kids are ours, legally.

My mind was blown. So. Much. Work. UGH!

But then my brilliantly smart compassionate man said, “If all this work saves even one child from being trafficked, then it is ALL worth it.”

My mouth shuts. All my complaints deflate because I know he is right. And I’m glad he’s right.

Your Turn: Ever used miles to buy tickets before? What is your story on the prep work to travel with kids?

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Cherry Coke, Kinderschokolade, and Seaweed

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Cherry Coke has made its way back to Taiwan. At first, I thought it returned to only the special “expat groceries”. You know the ones that carry all the yummy delights that you miss from your “home” country. Nope, they can be found at pretty much any convenient store. Which didn’t excite me, because I’m not a huge fan of soft drinks, but many of my friends posted it with photos on the Facebook status.

I guess it excited my son as well. He just had to have one the other day. I laughed to myself because I don’t think he’s ever had cherry coke, and if he has it was at least 2-4 years ago. How could he remember THAT? It’s not that special. Could it be because it is “American” and we are visiting family there in a few weeks? Or because his American classmates/teachers were all raving about its return?

His excitement spilled over onto my youngest, Mei Mei. I know there is no WAY she could remember drinking it, but it is now her favorite “soda” (btw, we only drink soft drinks about once a week if even that).

This incident made me analyze what my kids say their favorite snacks and beverages are. The results were interesting, but not really surprising. It was a mixture of cultures.

  • “American” culture – Cherry Coke, Nerds, Cheese Puffs (just found out this one today)
  • German culture – Kinder Eggs and Nutella
  • Asian culture – seaweed, kimchi, seaweed flavored chips, shrimp flavored chips

This is just a basic lists of their favorites, but I think it shows a visual of who they are as a TCK. Not that each “culture” is filed and organized, but that it is mixed together forming a part of who my kids are. Ge Ge’s mixture might have many of the same ingredients as Mei Mei’s, but they differ each other just as much as they differ their sister, Jie Jie.

I’m reading a book on TCKs right now called Home Keeps Moving by Heidi Sand-Hart. Though I’m getting some great insights about my own TCKs, I must remember one thing while raising them: They all are third culture kids, but they are very unique and differ from each other. 

Your Turn: So, what do your kids find to be their favorite foods? Have you found them to be a mixture of cultures? 

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I Am a Hero Games

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Today my daughter is participating with all the local special needs kids…and the sun is shining after two days of straight rain. I’ll post pics and thoughts next week.
The above video is from the same event that she participated in a few years ago. My husband is the “foreigner” being interviewed.

Have a great weekend!

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