Day one of 2025 is here. At midnight, our city had a spectacular display of fireworks. I know this for two reasons. One, I felt our house shake from all the “booms,” which caused our dog to whine and bark up and down the hallway, which woke our twenty-something daughter with disabilities. Second, a friend who lives in a village just across the river posted a video this morning of the show from her balcony. I apprecitated the show better from her point of view.
This morning felt heavy – and not from partying the night before. When you have a child with disabilities, many things end – or rather, they change. Some for the better.
One thing that hasn’t changed is that every morning, I write in my journal and read my Bible – some mornings, I write the happenings of the day before or process something I had read in a book the night before. This morning, I processed what my One Word* would be:
I’ve been thinking about a word for this year, but nothing has come to mind. This morning, Uwe and I slept until 8 a.m. Matthea woke at 8:30 a.m. and has been a demanding tyrant for the past half hour. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had my coffee or sat with my thoughts and Bible – but if this is the outlook for 2025, then I choose HOPE for my word because I am feeling hopeless right now.
Hopeless that things will change and get better.
Hopeless that my writing will become anything worthy to publish.
Hopeless that I’ll make anything of my business.
Hopeless that Matthea will ever get to go to a Christian Adult Day program.
Hopeless that we will always be stuck in this rut of clutter and chaos.
What a great outlook for the first day of the year. It’s like starting a new book or chapter with marks and tears – making it barely readable, and you just want to throw it in the trash and pick another one off the shelf. But the shelf is bare, and this is the only book on it. It’s yours, a gift from the Lord.
So, hope is needed. Hope to take those tears and repair them, to fill in the pages with resurrection hope…And that can only be done with Christ – the Living Hope.
Hope – in my health, my work, my family, and in the home. I don’t say this flippantly, but because of Christ, there is always hope.
But what does your first day of 2025 look like so far? Do you pick a word for the year? If so, what did you choose?
*One Word – This is choosing one word for the year rather than writing New Year resolutions. The reasoning is that one word is easier to remember and can usually cross into all parts of your life.
**pc: my photo of a candle my oldest gave me a year ago that still makes me laugh every time I look at it.
Jessica Ronne is a mother to a child with disabilities, but she is also an advocate for those who find themselves in caregiving roles. She has used her story of being a parent to a child with disabilities but also caring for her first husband as he passed away from a brain tumor to write words of encouragement and hope to others. It is split into four sections using the seasons of the year. She begins with the season of winter because it is a description of how many feel when they first get a diagnosis or realize that life is not going to turn out like they had planned. For many, dreams die. But, as she moves through each season, she points to God who is not only her strength, but also her source of strength. She shares the lessons she learned along the way in each season of life she has been in.
Recommendation:
As a mother to a child with disabilities, I found this to be exactly the kind of book that Jessica advertises it to be. I was encouraged and found comfort in knowing that what I felt at different parenting stages was normal. It is NOT a book for parenting TCKs or living overseas, but I do think that anyone who finds themselves in the throws of parenting will find encouragement amid this devotional. I did give it a 4 out of 5 stars as I would have liked each day to have a reflection question. I find that having a question causes the reader to pause and think about their own life.
*Please note that I earn from qualifying purchases as an Amazon Associate. Please see the disclaimer at the bottom of the page.
Today’s story involves my TCK husband, my daughter with special needs, and stress. And, of course, myself with lessons learned.
Setting
You may know that my husband is German but grew up on the island of Taiwan. He has only lived in Germany for a total of six years. This story occurred in his passport country, where the temperature dropped tremendously. We had packed for cooler temperatures, not for winter. We stayed in a village nestled in the middle of steep forested hills and valleys. It was beautiful and quiet but far from civilization.
Conflict
In any story, there is some sort of conflict. It can be person vs. person, person vs. self, or person vs. nature. This one may seem to be a person vs. person conflict, but it is, in fact, a conflict involving all three — one you may call the perfect conflict storm.
Person vs. Nature: Most of my work these days revolves around the computer and being online. The same is true for my husband. This beautiful location had very limited wifi. In fact, we could not all be on it simultaneously. We needed to take turns or go to a coffee shop inside Globus. I was waking up at 4am due to jet lag, so I would work until 7am while most of the village was sleeping. Most days it was slow but doable within those three hours. The weather had turned from sunny, gorgeous blue skies to cold, gray, rainy days. It just added to the tension of this particular morning.
Person vs. Self: The pressure I put on myself is sometimes ridiculous. I struggle with being a perfectionist. At this point, I had writing and editing deadlines due and quite a bit of reading to do. As a mom to an adult with special needs, I wanted to make sure that I had stimulating activities for her to do, which I failed for the most part. Then, there is the pressure I put on myself to be the idolized Proverbs 31 woman. I’m old enough and have studied that passage enough to know the real meaning, but I slip back into that belief system when I’m in my perfectionist mode.
Person vs. Person: My husband is great. He is patient with me and understanding most of the time. But there are times in our lives when we are both under pressure, stressed, and fighting inner battles that we tend to clash with each other. This was one of those mornings. And then there is my daughter with special needs. She is nonverbal, but communicates very well what she wants most of the time. She has her ideas of what she wants and we have our ideas of what she can have. And sometimes those are not the same. Thus, a conflict of wills.
On this early morning, I woke up with no coffee powder. We were out. I didn’t want to risk waking his parents at such an early hour, so I made tea. The internet was at an all-time speed of zilch. Okay, I can go to the coffee shop when Uwe wakes up and still make the deadline. No problem. I read books for my research and did what I could that didn’t require wifi.
Uwe woke and went down to get coffee powder. We had a quiet breakfast together with coffee. My day was getting better. Matthea woke, and I began to help her get ready for the day. Uwe made her breakfast.
All seemed to be going as I had planned.
As I passed the kitchen to grab Matthea’s clothes in the other room, I noticed Uwe packing his computer into his bag.
Umm, are you planning to go to the coffee shop?
I talked to Dad this morning, and he needs to go to the store, so I’m going to ride with him. I will work at the coffee shop and then bring back lunch for us.How does that sound?
A perfect wife would have said, “That sounds wonderful.” But more likely could have said, “Wait, you are going to the coffee shop? Is there any way I could go instead? Or maybe we all go?”
But that is not what came out of my mouth.
I didn’t say anything. I shut the bathroom door and mumbled complaints as I handed Matthea her shirt and pants. So began the inner battles.
What is wrong? He calls from the other side of the door.
Nothing is wrong.
What, are you mad that I’m going to the coffee shop? What were you planning to do?
I pretend to not hear him. I can hear him mumbling in the kitchen as he begins to do the dishes.
I follow Matthea into the kitchen. Her breakfast is on the table. Uwe is at the sink finishing up the last dish. Matthea turned abruptly around and communicated that she wanted her iPad. The rule is that after breakfast, she can listen to an episode while she builds blocks or colors. She had her own expectations of what the day would look like. And a battle of wills began. Another layer of conflict.
The storm was at full brew now.
Climax
With Matthea finally in her chair and eating breakfast, I thought I could grasp what was going on.
What time are you leaving? I asked.
In like twenty minutes.
The struggle in my brain was real. I was pressured to get some writing projects submitted that day, and I had no internet access. I wanted to be warm. I wanted Matthea to be normal and be able to do what typical twenty-one-year-olds do. I wanted Uwe to know what I wanted and needed. This all swirled in my mind, which only frustrated me even more. I could feel my brain flooding.
Flooding is when your emotions are at an all-time high, and you are not able to process what you are feeling. It affects your thoughts and the way you function. And the only way to stop the flooding is to create space to think it out.
I grabbed my tennis shoes.
I’m going for a walk and I promise to be back before you need to leave.
He nodded in understanding. I opened the door to cold, fresh air and started speed walking up the hill. I walked until my lungs stung, which didn’t take long. Within ten minutes, I had my frustrations out and was ready to talk.
Conclusion
I returned in a calm spirit. I told him what I was expecting that morning. He grinned.
What if we all go? Can you be ready in ten minutes?
I love that man. That is precisely what we did. We all went to the coffee shop and got our work done on time. And Matthea enjoyed looking at a new magazine while we worked.
One of the things I have learned in my studies in care and counseling that has really helped me is the idea of flooding. In my own life, I can now recognize when I am heading in that direction or in a state of flooding. I now know that I need space to process what I’m feeling, why I’m feeling those feelings, and even to process what I feel about those feelings. From there, I can make a decision about what I am going to do with all those emotions.
Maybe you can relate to this state of flooding. When your brain is flooding, you need to step away from the conflict and do something different. This will stop the hormones that are literally flooding your brain, telling you that you are in danger.
Or maybe you can relate to my husband. Maybe you have a significant other or child who experiences flooding. In this case, let them have the space away to get control over their emotions. Let them color, do sudoku, take a walk, or something for ten to twenty minutes. Then, talk to them about the conflict. That space will also be good for you as well.
To know more about this, please check out my article, “Transition Issues: Window of Tolerance,” at Global Crossroads Consulting. It explains how some people flood and shutdown and how others get revved up and may explode.
*Please note as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Bethany has worn many hats that involve “secondary trauma”, so her book comes from a place of experience and understanding. She invites the reader into her own personal story of burnout and recovery. She explains that trauma affects everyone who is exposed. This includes the people who listen to the stories of survivors. This is “secondary trauma”.
The back cover really describes this book well: “It’s a trauma-informed soul care guide for all Christians working in high-stress, helping professions.”
The book is divided into four-parts titled: Centering, Unpacking, Recovering, and Thriving. Each chapter offers reflection questions to help the reader process and tend to their own souls. She also provides exercises to help, as well as, other resources for further help and guidance.
Bethany doesn’t offer answers or a prescribed formula, but rather guides the reader in their own journey to taking care of their own soul.
I highly recommend this, but with a few warnings. Know that you will need to slow down and make space in your life to do the hard work. It will take time, and that this book is to help prevent burnout. So, if you are passed prevention, seek support from a trusted counselor who can walk alongside you.
*Please note as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
This may not be a typical book I would review here because it is NOT about TCKs. (But don’t stop reading. Read the next few sentences before you decide this book isn’t for you or someone you know.)
But it is on another topic you know is near and dear to my heart. Plus, you may know someone in your life or community that needs this book. So, here’s my review.
The title is a little misleading as it says it is for the “Special Needs Mom.” It’s not just for them; I would include the dads, the grandparents, the older siblings, and anyone who works or cares for families that fit this description.
The chapter titles are simply the best. Here’s a little snippet:
Loneliness to Connection
Grief to Hope
Guilt to Acceptance
Weariness to Rest
Fear to Trust
Disappointment to Gratitude
Aren’t they just great titles? The other ones are just as great, too. The authors tell you in the intro that you do not have to read the book in a specific order. In fact, if you are feeling guilty, then just read that chapter. Each chapter is relatively short, so it doesn’t take that much time either.
It is a Christian book, but it is not preachy. In fact, it feels like you are sitting with the three authors having a cup of coffee while they tell you that they understand what you are feeling. They share their stories of feeling guilty and coming to a place of acceptance (or whatever the chapter is on).
Living overseas with families like mine is hard. There are not many, so the road can be lonely. Though people care, few understand how hard it really can be. I’m not saying that all days are hard – unless it’s just a season of complexity, and then it can be hard days. What I am saying is that this book feels like a friend. The authors have put words to the aches and joys I have felt over the past several years.
And while that is all good, I think the most helpful part of the book is that at the end of every chapter, they have given space to process. There are 3-5 questions that make you slow down. Stop and mentally take in what you read and apply it to your life.
It’s September* and everyone is back in school. Did you hear me sigh? Did you sigh along with me? Don’t get me wrong summers are good, but with a child with special needs they are usually not great. She needs a set schedule with a para and we don’t get either in the summers. Summer schedules are suppose to be flexible. They are to be a time to relax, take a vacation with the family, right?
So, with school starting and the schedule in place life would flow down a lazy river. Nice and easy. You’ve heard of the domino affect, haven’t you? You know after one domino falls, others go right behind it? Today’s story will follow the domino trail; not a lazy river experience.
Domino #1: Beach & Teas
It was a school holiday, Mid-Autumn Festival. So, off to the beach we went for the morning. Just the two of us because the other two were out of town. The sky was blue, the wind was strong, and the sand was warm. M2 rolled around in the sand and waves, built sand mounds, and ran up and down the empty beach. Perfect.
Teas are usually something we buy to take to the beach, but since we left so early there were no shops open. So, after rinsing off the sand and sweat we stopped at a shop before going home. My wallet was at home, but I had a zip-lock full of copper coins. They are worth 1 New Taiwan Dollar. I ordered and paid with 110 coins. Bless those workers hearts as I counted out stacks of ten coins eleven times. (Maybe you are wondering why I had a bag of coins in the car. Well, I’ll save that story for another time, but you can try to guess in the comments.)
We got home and I put the teas in my bag.
Domino #2: Keys & Flipflops
I gathered all our belongings and coaxed M2 out of the car. She is sometimes a sloth when she wants to be. I reminded her that we had tea and then threatened that she would not get tea if she didn’t hurry. Mama had to use the bathroom.
We live in a house with a yard. To enter you have to unlock a tall solid metal swinging gate. Ours is blue. I fanned out the keys on my key ring, but could not find the key to this gate. I looked through the bag to make sure they didn’t get buried under the towels and sand.
“No! Please don’t tell me I left them in the house?!?!”
M2 giggled, snorted, and smacked her leg.
I dropped the bag and climbed up the side wall to see if I could be like my super amazing husband who climbs over and jumps down. I looked down. It’s about a 6-7 foot drop, so not bad. But I looked at my shoes. Flipflops. I was not sure my ankles could take that jump onto concrete. And I was sure our dog looking up at me wagging her tail would not catch me either.
I called a friend who has an the extra set and lives just down the road. No answer.
I found a curved tool in the hedges. “Oh, Lord, please let me jimmy this door open. I really need to use the bathroom and need your help.”
Nothing. I try several times. Nothing
I felt my breathing pick up and my heart rate quicken. By this time our dog was whining on the other side of the gate.
I tried once more, probably with a little more frustration than wisdom. But the door popped open. I got in and I didn’t break the lock. A miracle, I think.
Domino #3: Wet bag & Wet Keys
After washing my hands, I went to the kitchen to retrieve our teas and get something for lunch. My bag was wet. Soaked. I reach inside and pulled out one full cup of tea and one empty cup. When I dropped the bag, the seal on the tea opened and out went the tea onto everything, including my car key which has a battery operated button to unlock it. I ran everything under the water to rinsed it off and then gave M2 chocolate almond milk. She was just as happy with that.
Domino #4: Car Alarm
Two days later we used the car to go to church. The key fob has the buttons on it to lock and unlock the doors. They were not working. I manually unlocked the doors and we drove to church. Later that day we were heading to pick up a friend to go to the beach. The car began to lock and unlock on its own. Strange, but I thought, “Maybe the keys are still wet and they just need time to dry.”
Monday morning same, but not a huge deal. Monday afternoon, I go out to the car to pick up M2 from school and the car alarm goes off when I open the door. I cannot get it to shut off. I try several times to unlock and get in, but the alarm goes off. One time I get in without the alarm going off, but then when I started the car it went off again. A little later, I had the car started, but when I pulled out of the drive the alarm went off again. By this time it had gone off four times. I was loosing my mind.
I call handsome hubby. Bless his heart, he was of no help.
“Push the button on the key fob, that will turn it off.”
“Really,” I said, “You don’t think I’ve tried that? It doesn’t work.”
“Oh, then I don’t know what to tell you, but you have to get to school now or you will be late to pick her up.”
This conversation was going on while the alarm was going off. You can imagine how we were both feeling.
I prayed, “Oh Lord, please let this crazy alarm stop. I cannot go down the street with it going off. Please don’t make me stand out any more than I already do!”
It stopped.
I sent handsome hubby a message asking him to let the teachers know that I was on my way.
He messaged back: “I’m sorry I was not helpful. I was mad because I wasn’t there to help you. I’m glad you got it to stop.”
I love that man.
M2 was in the office waiting for me. I did not turn the car off, but left it running while I ran in to get her. We went straight to the mechanics and asked him to disable the alarm system. He did.
With a chuckle.
Conclusion
Dominoes are fun to watch as they cascade around their merry path. But when that path is your life and it is affects so much of what you do, then that is not so much fun. In fact, it can make you aware of thoughts and emotions that you have about yourself, others, life, and/or the world. I’ve been studying Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy in my final class for my Master’s in Care and Counseling. The biggest takeaway is that beliefs directly influence our emotions and behaviors; not the situation or the event.
Example from my story. The moment I realized that I left the keys at home and did not have them to open the door triggered a belief. The belief that I should never do such a stupid thing like forgetting to take the keys to the house with me and this is terrible, I’ll never be able to get in. This belief started the domino affect of me dropping the bag; not setting the bag down. You could probably go back and see where this belief rises back up at various points in the story. How to change your beliefs is through disputing them, but I’ll save that lesson for another time.
*This story was supposed to be published in September, but for some reason I forgot about it. Maybe it was because I needed to understand REBT more and could begin to introduce it to you all as a way to process events/situations in your own life.
We have another Senior (Grade 12/ 高三) in our home. Child #2 – our daughter who has Cri-du-Chat Syndrome and attends a local special education school in Taiwan will graduate in the spring. I got to attend the two day Graduation Trip with her and like all the other stories in this series there were lessons learned.
Preparations: Attitude
I got the packing list translated. Thank you Google 叔叔 (Uncle Google). Packed clothes and some extra snacks because you never know. But, the day before we left, I felt my heart racing and tension in my neck/shoulders area every time I thought about this trip. I took fifteen minutes and reflected on it.
I have gone on her other graduation trips, so what was different about this one? What emotions am I feeling about this upcoming trip? What thoughts do I hold that would cause these emotions?
It all came down to not knowing the plan. In my mind I needed to know where we were going; what was going to happen; what to expect. Well, thanks to my husband and Google 叔叔 I learned of the location, but that was it. I then remembered that the last time I went on an overnight trip with her and her class I had a “go with the flow” attitude. I can’t be honest and say that all the tension disappeared, but I can say that I noticed I began taking deeper breaths and relaxing. I worked the tension out with a roller later that evening.
The Trip:
Have a motto
Maybe you’ve heard this saying when you first moved to a new location, or maybe like me you have forgotten it. A friend reminded me of it as she was talking about a recent move and having to remind herself that where she is now is not like where she was previously living.
It’s not bad. It’s just different.
This became my motto for the entire trip.
Asian tour groups are known to have everyone follow the tour guide and not wander off to something that might interest you. They are also known for moving quickly so that you can see everything possible. That way you can get all the perfect photo ops. They are also known for having all the meals planned out in advanced at specific locations. And they help promote buying certain products.
This motto, along with the “go with the flow” attitude, proved to be very useful. For instance, the first day was spent going to three different places of interest. We rode the bus for about three hours stopping for bathroom breaks, of course. Our first stop was a cocoa farm where we saw how they make chocolate from cocoa beans. We even got to see some cocoa trees. We ate lunch there. The food was really good, except for one thing. At the end, we could drop a chocolate into the hotpot (think fish based soup with vegetables). According to my taste buds, fish based-soup and chocolate do not blend well together. But I remembered, It’s not bad; just different – yet I did not drink anymore as I was full from all the food we had eaten.
The second stop on the list was what was translated as an “elves garden.” When we arrived, I realized it was a garden with gnomes. They had some rabbits you could feed, but were not allowed to touch. Well, that proved difficult to avoid with an animal loving daughter. But, I tried. We were only “scolded” once. “Go with the flow” served me well here. They had costumes where we could dress up as gnomes. And as another famous quote goes: “when in Rome…”
From there we drove another hour to a deer farm. We were given instructions on what we could and could not do, then given metal tins with leaves and grain to wander around the lot with deer. They can be quite aggressive for such passive sweet looking animals.
From there was the hotel, where the fun did not stop. After supper they had a DIY project planned and the kids could dress up again. I was ready for bed and thankfully she was too.
Surprises:
With the “go with the flow” attitude, I could handle surprises: good or bad. Like not knowing we would be allowed to swim in the hotel pools and not bringing suits. Disappointing, but we found other things to do the next day.
Or finding out that there is not only a Starbucks at the last bathroom stop, but that they do have your favorite: Pumpkin Spiced. So, I treated M2 to her very first Pumpkin Spiced Frappuccino. Ahh, my little TCK did drink most of it, though she thought it was too sweet. Honestly, I thought so too.
Back Home
We got home and there were two things that I did that helped. First, I had prepared food before we left so I didn’t have to cook supper from scratch. Heat and serve – so easy. And the second, I declared Saturday a Travel Rest Day. We stayed in our PJs, watched movies, and rested all day.
Life can be like a journey down a winding river. Rivers can be calm and smooth, but usually along the way rapids appear. Life is like that. Sometimes the rapids are exciting and fun, like moving overseas. Other times they are downright frightening, like an unwanted diagnosis.
During those rapids I find myself wanting and sometimes even desperately trying to paddle back upstream away from it all. I long for an easier way, but usually there is no other way. And in the end, I find that God uses those hard situations in my life to transform me.
Fifteen years ago I found myself at one of those bends.
This week I’m a guest writer at Velvet Ashes. You can read more about my story and the lessons I learned by clicking here.
My children are bilingual, including my daughter who has Cri-du-Chat Syndrome, a disability that affects her mentally and physically. She’s not the only bilingual person with special needs, though. In fact, I know a young adult with Down Syndrome who is trilingual. And I read about another boy with Autism Spectrum Disorder who speaks at least four languages. This goes against the belief of many educators and therapists that children with special needs should focus on one language only. Most of the research focuses on three specialty groups: Specific Language Impairment (SLI), Down Syndrome (DS), and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), but the researcher still believes that other disabilities can learn a second language as well. This is great news for CCKs (Cross-Cultural Kids) and TCK s(Third-Culture Kids) who have special needs and their families who are raising them.
My daughter is fairly non-verbal, but she is able to communicate in both English and Chinese. She uses American Sign Language (ASL), speaks simple words in both languages, and sometimes uses communication boards. We speak mainly English at home and she goes to a Taiwanese special education school where they speak Chinese. Honestly, like most Third Culture Kids she is comfortable living in both worlds. It’s part of who she is.
But, what about just teaching a child with special needs a new language? Are there any benefits? Join the conversation over at Multicultural Kid Blogs where I share some benefits I’ve noticed.
It is the night before Mother’s Day. For some reason my mind traveled to a time period fourteen years ago. I was a young mom about to hear my daughter’s diagnosis. With time wisdom grows. It’s through this wisdom that I wish I could have shared these few thoughts with that mom I was back then.
Dear Younger Self-
I know you forgot what today is, but let me gently remind you. It’s Mother’s Day. Don’t put your head down in shame. I know you’ve lived with your mother for the past several weeks. I know you forgot to buy even a simple card to thank her for her selflessness. For all the drives to the city, waits in the hospital, and the endless cooking she has done for you. I know you wish your husband and almost two-year old son were with you instead of back in China. The hospital visits and tests have taken a toll on your mind and body. It’s a scary place to be. You’ve talked with doctors, and even specialists. You’ve held your baby while nurses have poked her with needles. Yet, still no results. No diagnosis.
Emotions will visit you, strong emotions that will come when you least expect it.
Fear…
Don’t play the “What if” game. It will open wide the door to Fear. But, I know you will. The questions will come at you like quick shooting arrows. “What if she never walks?” “What if she dies?” “What if we have to leave China?” Don’t worry; he gets the best of me still today with his quiet whispers of doubt. Fear wants to consume you, but he won’t. Your daughter will get the diagnosis you don’t want to hear – Cri-du-Chat Syndrome. Your mother will be next to you in that small room in shock. Maybe it is a mother’s instinct, or maybe not – but you won’t be shocked because deep down you already know. Your world will be shaken though. Your baby will need a feeding tube. You will feel like all the air was taken from your lungs. Sit tight – the God who created that bundle of joy topped with red curls already knew. He’s not surprised. So, just breathe – in and out, in and out. You will feel like waves are pummeling you to the bottom of the sea, but dive deep into those waves. It is there where you will find peace. Dive deep into the peace that passes all understanding, the peace that comes from our Lord Jesus Christ. Just breathe.
Grief…
Grief will come, in fact, she already has. This Mother’s Day you will grieve for that child you thought you knew. You will cry hot tears that seem to never run dry. They are tears of healing. Release them. Let them wash over your face while they wash over your heart. I wish I could tell you that Grief eventually exits your life, but I can’t. She will come back when you least expect it. Fourteen years later, she still visits me. When I see other kids in middle school laughing with their friends at the local 7-11 or tying up their shoes about to play in a soccer tournament, she comes back. My throat tightens and my eyes begin to drip tears. And there she is. Grief dressed in black. I’m learning that Joy can accompany Grief. It is those times I offer gratitude and praise that Joy is also there. I give thanks for what Matthea can do and I praise God for his many blessings in our life. So, as you grieve this Mother’s Day know that “joy will come in the morning.”
Loneliness…
This Mother’s Day you will feel lonely. Uwe and Marcus are miles away. You feel like you are the only one going through this, yet you know that is not true each time you enter the hospital. But, Loneliness comes and tries to squeeze out those in your life who love you. Don’t let her. Remind yourself that you are not alone. God is there with you. Your family is there. And remember your friends just drove a few hours to spend time with you. They are praying for you. Don’t let Loneliness crowd out the others.
Guilt…
Yes, you will feel guilt. Guilt will overshadow Grief. Guilt will remind you of friends who have lost children. Guilt will point a finger and say, “You’re child is living. Why are you grieving?” You won’t really know what to do with Guilt. You will try to hide Grief, but it will still be there. I want to give you permission to block Guilt out of your life. You have permission to grieve. This diagnosis is hard. There are a lot of unknowns. It is scary. So, don’t believe Guilt. Pray for those friends and be sensitive when you talk with them, but don’t bow down to Guilt.
Hope…
You may not feel like there is any hope right now, but she is there. Hope will come pouring in when you find out that you can go back to China. Hope will come when you gain confidence in using the feeding tube. And even this day, Hope will come in a form of a Mother’s Day gift from your sister. A small cut rock that says, “A Mother’s Love begins long before we can remember…And brings us Warmth and Happiness We Never Forget.”
Give yourself some grace today. Your love for your children comes through. I can’t tell you that everything is perfect and life is like a rose garden. Life isn’t easy. I mean whose life really is easy, huh? But, life is good and full. I can’t tell you all the great things because you need to experience some surprises in life.
I wish that the decade older version of me would send me a letter like this. I sure would like to know how these teenage years turn out.
raisingTCKs 