It’s the end of the school year, which means traveling with family, moving to a new place, or hanging out at home. Most parents and teachers of third culture kids know that they need to make sure there are opportunities for students to say good-byes properly. They have “Good-bye Parties” for their children; they take photos of their favorite places, and/or they have dinners with special people before they leave.
Saying “Good-bye” well is something we should have our children do at the end of every school year or long vacation no matter if we are leaving or not.
Just last week I put in a music DVD for Jie Jie that we’ve had for over ten years now (Have DVDs truly been around that long now?). She requests it once in awhile, and on this particular morning I sat and watched her dance along with it. A song came on, this song in particular, and my heart wrenched.
I was flooded with memories from 10 years ago.
It was the last week of our time in Shenyang, China. Due to SARS, the school had ended a week earlier. My husband was the principal at the time, so we were making our last rounds of dinners and lunches with various people. This day we happened to be eating fish head soup with a Korean family when my husband got the phone call. An elementary student had gotten pinned down by a large iron gate just outside his home. He was dead.
In a haze of confusion and pain, a memorial service was arranged. The students who were still around all showed up, along with teachers and friends of the parents. “With All of My Heart” by Jana Alayra was one of the songs that was played that day. It had been one of his favorites.
Many of his classmates were not there that day. They had already traveled back to their passport country. *
We can’t know for sure that when school resumes in the fall, that your child’s classmates will all be there. So, if you have the chance help your young children say “Good-bye” well this year. Maybe it it’s just a handshake and the words spoken or maybe you go all out and have an end of the year party where the kids say something nice about each other. Either way, from this experience, I learned the importance of saying “Good-bye” every time.
*The school had another Memorial Service in fall for all the students, along with counselors to help them deal with such a huge loss.
Your Turn: What do you do to help your child/student say “Good-bye” at the end of the school year? Please comment below.
- The Importance of Good-Bye (raisingtcks.com)
- Saying Good-bye Stinks (raisingtcks.com)
- Combating Loneliness in “Expat-land” (raisingtcks.com)