Monthly Archives: November 2011

Traveling without Kids: Packing their bags

Posted on by
2
Luggage

Flickr Photo by Andrew Stawarz

Sometimes couples just need to go away for the weekend without the kids. And there maybe times when couples need to leave for a longer period of time for business. It’s during those times that the Extended Family Tree comes in quite handy.

My friend and her husband had to leave the country for meetings a few weeks ago. I thought she did a great job preparing her child and us for that week, so I asked her if I could share some of the things she did.

So, here is the list:

1. Contact information: This is a given that you’d leave your contact information, but still want to note it because it can be the one thing we forget to give the caregivers. You should have any phone numbers and email addresses that you can be reached at. Also, skype is a great cheap way to communicate with the caregivers. Or setting up a “skype date” with your child mid-week to see how they are doing would be fun for all.

2. Medicine: Another given, but still worth mentioning. Vitamins and any other medicine that your child needs to take should be labeled with clear directions. You can even divide it up into days by using those daily tablet holders.

4. ID card and passport: This is something none of us like/want to think about, but anything can happen in the world and we need to have our passports ready and easily available in case we need to leave the country immediately. This is true for your child as well. Leave their passports with the caregivers, so if there should be an emergency, they have all their important identification records with them. Also, make sure you leave any insurance cards or other health information like their pediatrician’s name and number just in case of an emergency.

5. Extra money: This may not be necessary, but it is a nice gesture to help with any extra costs that may come up during that week.

6. Favorite foods: Make some cookies or muffins anything that is a comfort food to your child. Take it to the caregivers so that your child has food he is familiar with, something that speaks of home and you and that will bring comfort him while you are away. This is also really helpful if your child tends to be a picky eater.

7. Little presents: Wrap small packages with little notes for your child to open each morning he/she wakes up. This package can be small treats, erasers, really anything that you would like to give. This makes the time go quicker for those that do not like to be away from you AND it makes it more fun for those that enjoy the sleepovers.

Okay, your turn. Have you ever had to leave your kids with friends? Have you been the caregivers? Any other ideas or thoughts from your experience?  Please comment below.

If you enjoy reading articles like this and would like to be notified when new articles have been posted, consider subscribing. You will receive new posts in your inbox. Thanks!

Family Trees and Living Overseas

Posted on by
7

Most everyone keeps track of their family tree, or at least they know the relatives on the branches near their own. When we need help with the kids or a listening ear, we push that speed dial number, which is usually the grandparents or the aunts/uncles. Having lived overseas for sometime now, our “family tree” has some branches that have been grafted into the trunk. These are people that have become our adopted family. They are people who have become the “aunts and uncles” to our kids. People that, no matter what, keep in touch even after they (or us) have left the country.

1. They help you move.

2. They bring you meals when your kids are sick (or when your sick).

3. They grab a coffee and sit at your table and listen to you. You sit at their table with coffee and listen to them.

4. They celebrate birthdays with you.

5. They celebrate holidays with you.

6. They watch your kids for you while you and the hubby go away.

I’ve been thinking about this for reasons #5 and #6.

My friends had to attend a conference for a week in a different country. They asked us to watch one of their sons. She needed her adopted family and I was glad to be her “sister”. She has helped me out countless times with my kiddos. We just do that.

And Thanksgiving is coming up. In two days. It’s been over 12 years now since I’ve celebrated Thanksgiving with my family back in the US. For my kids…never. Ouch, that was hard to type.  We are celebrating, though, with friends ~ adopted family.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for family.

Family that is in the US.

Family in Germany.

Adopted family all over the world, and especially those that are put in our path at this season of our life.

What are you thankful for? Do you have adopted family where you live?

Translation Saga at the Dentist…

Posted on by
3

A few weeks ago I took the kids to the dentist for their checkups. Living overseas and finding dentists isn’t always easy, but we’ve gone to this dentist for the past few years. I feel like she knows my kids and understands our circumstances with Jie Jie.

I was wrong.

Let me back up a bit. In the past I’ve let the kids know and I even “practiced” with them when they were younger. I still get out the plastic toy dentist set beforehand and play dentist with Jie Jie, but this time I didn’t get that done. Bad, bad, bad.

She was fine watching the other two get their teeth checked, but when it was her turn that content child left the building. I don’t mean she got up and left, I mean she was no longer content and did NOT like anything or anyone.

I was okay. The dentist is great with her and quick.

She understood. I thought.

“Your daughter has a mouth sore and she will need to see a doctor.” (What I thought she said)

We go to the lobby and wait to pay. Jie Jie calms down and plays with the train set. The nurse comes out with a prescription and tells me about a doctor I need to see. Now I’m confused as to what kind of doctor, especially since she gave me a prescription for the mouth sore. I had not understood the conversation with the dentist.

I phoned my husband and gave the nurse the phone.

They talked. I listened. She gave the phone back.

“I’m not sure what she was saying, but I’m almost there. Just wait,” said my husband.

He arrived and talked with the nurse some more. After about five minutes, it was clear that the nurse was telling us that we needed to have Jie Jie tested. She was a little slow for her age.

We kindly let her know that she is a special needs child and that it should be on her medical record from the first visit. It was awkward.

We left giggling because anyone that has ever met Jie Jie knows immediately that she has special needs. We couldn’t be angry, because for one they were so sweet in how they were trying to tell us. I really felt bad for them.

Lesson Learned:Even though you are the only foreign family that visits a dentist and you have been their for years, take your medical information to give to the dentist to look at. It’s better than having awkward conversations like the one we went through.

What dentist/doctor stories do you have with your children? Any communication stories? Please share in the comments below.

 

 

 

German Logik

Posted on by
2

Have you ever studied a language and came to a phrase that you just caused you to say, “What”? Or you find yourself giggling over the names that are given to certain items in the other language?  My husband ran across these videos yesterday from a friend on Facebook and they are really funny. A German in the USA….wondering if this is any cause for misunderstandings in our home. 😉

Thought you might like a good laugh to start your weekend off with!

*This has been a catch up week in the apartment, so writing has taken a backseat. I have some fun posts that I’ll share next week on dentists, going away without kids, and more. So keep watch for them!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Identity Crisis for TCKs and the Adopted Child

Posted on by
13
Different is Beautiful

Photo by epicnom

The scene and conversation below is one that we tend to be a part of on a weekly basis. 

It’s raining. A bright blue, a brighter orange, and a large blue and green umbrella dashed across the street to the bus stop. Okay, dashed isn’t what we did…I had Jie Jie, so we stomped in the water puddles and marched. The large bus squeaked to a halt and we quickly slid our way to an open seat. I looked at the kids’ spotted wet clothes and wondered why I had insisted on them using the umbrellas.

Mei Mei and Jie Jie shared a seat. Ge Ge stood holding a pole. A Chinese lady sat next to the girls and I stood near them praying that Jie Jie wouldn’t jump on her, suck her hand and then try to shake the lady’s hand, or that Mei Mei would be patient with her older mentally disabled sister.

Yep, all three things came to pass, but thankfully the lady was gracious as we swayed to the rhythm of the bus.

The older lady looked at the girls, then at Ge Ge, and then at me. I was ready for the question. The question that we get about 2-3 times a week.

“Are all these children yours?” she asked in Chinese pointing at them.

I nodded and smiled thinking to myself, there’s only three.

The lady looked at Mei Mei and said, “But, she doesn’t look like the rest of them.”

I nodded and told her she is adopted.

Mei Mei sighs and says in English, “Mom, why do they always say THAT?”

I sighed and just winked at her. Too tired and wet to have this conversation again.

Then today we had this same conversation with a different Chinese lady walking home, except Mei Mei added another sentence, “I wish I could change my skin color.”

My heart stopped. WHAT did my daughter just say? WHY did she just say that? HOW am I to handle this right now as I’m chatting with a total stranger while keeping my tight grip on Jie Jie who wants to run out into the street?

I pushed her comment to the back of my head and finished the conversation with the lady. After our good-byes we hustled home to start homework, her comment crammed into the back of my mind.

Suppertime came and it was just the girls tonight. Her comment and my concerns about it wriggled itself out of the corner of my mind and I began to dialogue with her about it.

Here’s my conclusion:

1. Insecurity – Being different and singled out can make most people feel insecure. As a woman, I can relate with that. We did talk about other kids that she knows who are also adopted. She is not alone, and neither am I.  

2. Identity – We just started to scratch the service on this one. I mean think about it:

  • Third Culture Kids struggle with identity.
  • Girls struggle with identity.
  • Adopted kids struggle with identity.

This is something that we will probably dialogue about for years to come.

And I think that is the key: Dialogue, to keep the communication open so she feels comfortable to share her hurts, her fears, and frustrations. I don’t have all the answers, but I have a listening ear and a loving heart for my little girl.

I just have to remember to keep those ears open. To put down the dishrag. To not let concerned comments stay crammed inside my mind never to be found until it is too late. To sit with a cup of tea and listen.

Your turn: How do you handle questions like this from your adopted child(ren)? or from your TCKs when trying to identify who they are? Please comment below.