Tag Archives: parenting

Popped Confidence

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photo by flickr.com

I’ve language studied on and off for a little over 10 years.  I’m not fluent. (Note on and off, never full-time.) I can get around on my own and feel fairly confident when talking with the locals. That is until my 10-year old, or worse my 6-year old, corrects me.

POP! My Confidence busts like a needle piercing a balloon.

I know that children just naturally learn the language faster, but it doesn’t stop the sting. For expample:

“No Mom, that is not how you say it.” Yeah, that makes me feel real confident. 

“MOM, (giggle) do you know what you just said? You said (giggle) ___“. My balloon of confidence is popped.

I could get angry with them. I could get depressed about my lack of language. Honestly, I’m sure I have been guilty of both, but here is what I try to do.

1. Smile and laugh. If you haven’t learned to laugh at yourself, language learning will teach you with or without children. Also, I believe laughing with your child(ren) teaches them to laugh at their own mistakes.

2. Embrace it. Use those little language dictionaries on legs to your advantage. It saves time and gives your child(ren) opportunities to use their language outside the classroom. You can always practice when they are not around. 

3. Study More. This is maybe taking a few language classes at a local university, or hiring a tutor to come to your home once a week. It could even be a language exchange with a local friend. Just something to help you increase your language ability.

What strategies do you use to guard against that needle getting too close to your balloon of confidence?

 

 

Doctors and Dentists, Oh My

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*photo by flickr

I was young and single when I boarded the plane to begin life overseas.  I didn’t put a lot of thought into doctors, hospitals, or any other health related issues. Probably not that wise, I know, but that was years ago and I was young. After I became pregnant I began to look at heath care differently. When my second child was diagnosed with Cri-du-Chat, a genetic disorder, I really studied the whole medical scene.

So, how do you handle heath care in a language you don’t understand? This is difficult and often a huge reason why people don’t move overseas. Many times there is a translation problem, and frankly, who wants to vaguely understand what is being said by the doctor. I know I don’t, so here are a few suggestions I have to help.

1. Study the “system”. Each country has different systems and procedures in seeing a doctor. Ask other parents questions like: Do you need an appointment? How do you register? Do I need to go to the hospital or is there an office?  In our last move I was fortunate to have a friend who could speak the language and knew the system well. She actually took me to the hospital and showed me how it all worked. If you can take a tour with a friend, think about registering your child(ren) at that time. Taking time to fill out the medical forms = less time to wait for doctor with a sick child. Knowing and understanding the system before the crisis is beneficial.

2. File important medical documents. Put any medical documents such as vaccination records, diagnosis records, and even insurance information into a filing system. It doesn’t have to be elaborate and huge, but it should be in a safe place and easy to find.

3. Make a list of doctors.   It is better to have this list before your child(ren) is sick. Ask parents at the school what pediatricians, family doctors, and dentists they like. Find out if they speak English or not. Another idea is to check for an expat website for your city. There is probably a forum for hospitals and doctors where other parents recommend their favorites.

4. Start a medical dictionary.  I’ve used a simple notebook to write out medical phrases or words that I needed the doctors to understand. This has really helped with translation problems during a consultation. If you have a language teacher, ask them to help with this or find a friend that can read and write the language.  Another thought is to download an English/foreign language dictionary onto your smartphone. This has been helpful for me in other situations, so I highly recommend finding a good one in the language you need.

5. Bookmark a few medical websites. I’m not suggesting that you should check your child’s symptoms online, even though there are some websites that offer that service for free. What I am suggesting is that you use these sites to research what a doctor at the hospital/clinic has diagnosed. Many times treatments and descriptions get lost in translation. I have used webmd.com or have searched on Google to find a description of the diagnosis. I have also used Google to research medications that were given to my child. Internet can be a wonderful tool, can’t it?

*Note that if you live in an area where medical availability is limited, then make sure you have your medical records easy to pack; and if you don’t already have emergency evacuation insurance, I’d suggest you look into getting it. It saved our daughter’s life.

I’m always up for learning more, so if you have any other ideas that would be useful please share in the comments below. Thanks!

The Days After the First Day of School

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Last post I shared tips on how we were going to help our youngest make the transition into a new school. Her first day went well.  She made friends. She liked her teachers. A week has gone by and all seems okay, yet she isn’t completely confident. She’s excited about school, but also nervous. At first I was concerned, but my wise husband reminded me that we just need to give her time to adjust.

Maybe, like me, you are concerned about your TCK and how they are adjusting to their new school.  Give. It. Time.  Whether transferring from a new country or from a local school, he is in a period of transition. It may take a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a month for him to find his place and feel secure. This all depends, of course, on his age. How can parents help?

1. Listen, Listen, Listen.  This is probably the most important, yet hardest to do. We all want to “fix” the problems immediately for our hurting/struggling child(ren), but many times we just need to listen.  Listening to a 6-year old vs. a 16-year old is not the same and should be approached differently.  Younger children can be asked questions like, What was the best part of today? the worst? Who did you play with at recess? Older children will shut off immediately if you start asking questions like that. They may even brush off the question, How was your day?  I’ve found that I’ve learned more from my oldest child when I am not trying to pry information from him.  This usually happens when we are playing a game, putting a puzzle together, or doing the dishes together. Really, it can be anything that doesn’t make him feel like he’s under interrogation. Find time to do something with your older child, but the key is when they do start to open up and share, you need to listen.

2. Encourage your child to get involved. What is your child interested in?  Check to see if your school offers activities or clubs after school, then encourage your child to get involved with one. If there are no clubs at your school ask if you could start one. Being involved in school activities helps develop friendships and forms a feeling of belonging. Both necessary for the transition to a new school.

3. Talk with your child’s teacher. If after a few months have past and you still notice that your child isn’t transitioning well, then make an appointment to see the teacher. Ask his teacher if he has noticed anything during the school day. If there is a concern, then a counselor might need to be consulted.  If the teacher hasn’t noticed, then ask him to observe that week to see what your child does at recess or during free time. It might be that all is fine at school, but at home he is reminded of what he left behind.  In that case, he is still in transition, which is normal.

How have you helped your child(ren) transition after that first day?  Love to hear your ideas!

Parent’s Guide to First Day of a New School

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I posted last time that our youngest will be attending a new school in a few days.  I shared some ideas about how we have prepared her for her new school.  Now what about that first day? How can we, the parents, make the start as smooth as possible for our child(ren)?  Below are 5 ideas that I think will help you (and me, too!).

1. Talk to your child(ren) about the first day.  Does your child want to be taken to the classroom or just to the front door?  A younger child will probably want to be taken to the classroom. An older child may prefer you be out of sight that first day and most likely everyday! Talk to your child and make a plan, but be prepared for a quick change of mind that morning. First day fears could take over.
2. Do a practice run. One weekday before school starts you should calculate how much time it takes to get to school in the morning. Leave your home about the time you think you will be leaving to see how long it actually takes. This way you don’t run the risk of arriving late on the first day because you did not consider morning traffic.
3. Plan to celebrate.Kids love to celebrate, so why not celebrate the first day at the new school? It may help your child(ren)  knowing that later on they will get a special treat. It could be dinner that evening at their favorite restaurant or a trip to the ice-cream store right after school.  If it’s not possible to celebrate that first night, plan something for the weekend. If your family is really into celebrating, do both. =)

4. Prepare a little surprise for lunch or snack.  Write a note on a post-it simply saying, “We love you!” or “Hope you are having a great day!”  You could also wrap their favorite snack up like a present.  Here’s what Jamie Oliver (!) suggests: carve a message into the banana peel. The words become darker with time.  Anything to bring a little smile to their face!

5. Don’t stay too long. What I mean by this is, don’t stay in or near the classroom very long. I know some kids will cry and cling, but the best thing is for the parent to kiss the child, tell them they love him/her and will be back after school, and then walk out.  Leave. Don’t stand in the hallway or anywhere your child can see you. This will only upset your child more. Usually, after about 15 minutes or so, they will become engaged in an activity and the tears will stop. If you are worried, you can always go to a nearby coffee shop with some friends.  The school has your phone number, so if there is a real problem they will call you.

Okay, your turn. Do you have any other ideas? I’d love to read them. Please share in the comments below.

*photo by flickr