Category Archives: Parenting

New Year’s Day Thoughts – an excerpt from my journal

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Day one of 2025 is here. At midnight, our city had a spectacular display of fireworks. I know this for two reasons. One, I felt our house shake from all the “booms,” which caused our dog to whine and bark up and down the hallway, which woke our twenty-something daughter with disabilities. Second, a friend who lives in a village just across the river posted a video this morning of the show from her balcony. I apprecitated the show better from her point of view.

This morning felt heavy – and not from partying the night before. When you have a child with disabilities, many things end – or rather, they change. Some for the better.

One thing that hasn’t changed is that every morning, I write in my journal and read my Bible – some mornings, I write the happenings of the day before or process something I had read in a book the night before. This morning, I processed what my One Word* would be:

I’ve been thinking about a word for this year, but nothing has come to mind. This morning, Uwe and I slept until 8 a.m. Matthea woke at 8:30 a.m. and has been a demanding tyrant for the past half hour. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had my coffee or sat with my thoughts and Bible – but if this is the outlook for 2025, then I choose HOPE for my word because I am feeling hopeless right now.

  • Hopeless that things will change and get better.
  • Hopeless that my writing will become anything worthy to publish.
  • Hopeless that I’ll make anything of my business.
  • Hopeless that Matthea will ever get to go to a Christian Adult Day program.
  • Hopeless that we will always be stuck in this rut of clutter and chaos.

What a great outlook for the first day of the year. It’s like starting a new book or chapter with marks and tears – making it barely readable, and you just want to throw it in the trash and pick another one off the shelf. But the shelf is bare, and this is the only book on it. It’s yours, a gift from the Lord.

So, hope is needed. Hope to take those tears and repair them, to fill in the pages with resurrection hope…And that can only be done with Christ – the Living Hope.

Hope – in my health, my work, my family, and in the home. I don’t say this flippantly, but because of Christ, there is always hope.

But what does your first day of 2025 look like so far? Do you pick a word for the year? If so, what did you choose?

*One Word – This is choosing one word for the year rather than writing New Year resolutions. The reasoning is that one word is easier to remember and can usually cross into all parts of your life.

**pc: my photo of a candle my oldest gave me a year ago that still makes me laugh every time I look at it.

Book Review: CAREGIVING WITH GRIT AND GRACE by Jessica Ronne

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CAREGIVING WITH GRIT AND GRACE: 100 Days of Hope and Encouragement

by Jessica Ronne

Genre: Devotional

Published: 2024

Summary:

Jessica Ronne is a mother to a child with disabilities, but she is also an advocate for those who find themselves in caregiving roles. She has used her story of being a parent to a child with disabilities but also caring for her first husband as he passed away from a brain tumor to write words of encouragement and hope to others. It is split into four sections using the seasons of the year. She begins with the season of winter because it is a description of how many feel when they first get a diagnosis or realize that life is not going to turn out like they had planned. For many, dreams die. But, as she moves through each season, she points to God who is not only her strength, but also her source of strength. She shares the lessons she learned along the way in each season of life she has been in.

Recommendation:

As a mother to a child with disabilities, I found this to be exactly the kind of book that Jessica advertises it to be. I was encouraged and found comfort in knowing that what I felt at different parenting stages was normal. It is NOT a book for parenting TCKs or living overseas, but I do think that anyone who finds themselves in the throws of parenting will find encouragement amid this devotional. I did give it a 4 out of 5 stars as I would have liked each day to have a reflection question. I find that having a question causes the reader to pause and think about their own life.

*Please note that I earn from qualifying purchases as an Amazon Associate. Please see the disclaimer at the bottom of the page.

Relearning Simplicity: enjoying the simple things in life and celebrating them

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In 2014, I published a post on learning to be content with simple birthday parties because our middle child with special needs turned eleven, and I could not think of a single friend to invite to her party. You can read the rest of the article here. Recently, Matthea turned twenty-one while traveling from one country to another. Again we were in a situation where friends were scarce, but family was not. But, while in the midst of this, I was also reminded to enjoy and celebrate the simple things.

We celebrated her birthday four times. One with friends who are like family and three with family. Each had a different theme. But they all had cake, presents, and singing. If you have ever celebrated a birthday party with Matthea, you know that clapping will accompany the singing. Loud clapping.

This girl loves to celebrate.

At the small church we attend, when we visit family, they invite those with birthdays or anniversaries to come to the front while everyone sings. Every single Sunday, she raised her hand and giggled though it was not her birthday. But, when others went forward she began her sharp clap to her own beat of the song “Happy Birthday.” On the day it was her birthday, she jumped down the aisle with the clapping.

But she doesn’t need a birthday to celebrate.

Last week, we took a longer walk than we intended. We ended up climbing a steep path that wound its way up to the point where we could look out over the valleys on either side of the hill. It was difficult for her. She wanted to stop several times, but she made it to the top with some encouraging chant of her name.

The view was stunning, but to see her smile and give us fist bumps when we told her we were proud of her was priceless. She wanted a Kinder chocolate bar to celebrate.

As usual, I think we can learn from her – to celebrate birthdays with clapping, conquer hills with fist bumps and chocolate, and enjoy life’s simplest things.

Raising TCKs in lands that are not familiar to us has its challenges. If you have moved to a new location and just rounded the corner of living there for a month, I challenge you to celebrate that achievement.

If you’ve lived there a year and you notice your kids are now eating foods they would not try when you first got there or can order food at a restaurant. Celebrate!

If you are now able to read the road signs or understand the announcements on the public transportation, celebrate!

Celebrations do not need to be extravagant planned-out theme parties – though if you LOVE to do that, go for it. They can be a simple high-five with your kids, a special meal with the family, or even a simple piece of chocolate.

A Day in the Life of Me: That Hard Goodbye

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Leaving your TCKs behind to return to life in your host country is NOT easy. This time, we left two, and it was not any easier. When two of the four most precious beings are no longer close by, the desire to buy a house and settle in a place you’ve never been to grows pretty strong.

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That morning, I woke to a heavy chest and a lump in my throat. I quietly made coffee and let the tears roll down onto my journal. By the time everyone woke, my eyes were red but dry. We kept busy packing and loading the car.

The first drop-off was the oldest to his new apartment. We met one of his roommates – a fellow TCK. What a gift.

Lunch. I looked at the menu, but nothing sounded good. Who wants to eat when they are full from a plate stacked with grief? We moved the food around our plates, taking bites here and there. My husband tried to lighten the mood with “dad jokes” and asking questions about what the kids have planned for the week.

Everything felt flat. It was that in-between time when it was almost time to drive away. The goodbyes are hidden. Stuffed and buried. The heart aches as time pushes those goodbyes to the surface. I really do not like this space of time.

But it is always better to go through grief. And this is the first step towards letting go.

In the parking lot of his apartment, the tears flow. I know it’s good, but man is it hard. “See you in a year” feels like a lifetime.

And then, we drove our youngest to her new place of residence.

She gets a phone call. She’s been called for an interview for a job. Finally.

Then, we see a large bird on the road. It’s a vulture.

A vulture in the middle of a large city?

We passed slowly to see not one but probably ten to fifteen vultures in a yard. And we smelled that pungent smell of decay.

A car horn blared.

We realized we were mesmerized by this sight and had basically stopped in the road. We moved forward and began laughing.

A few minutes later, we were in the driveway. Quiet. None of us wanted to make the first move.

But the clock kept moving forward, and we had a very long drive ahead of us. We got out of the car.

By this time, our middle daughter with special needs had caught up with what was happening. She began to tear up. Grief wrapped its arms around her tiny frame, and without reserve, she sobbed. The chest heaving kind with wails.

But she demonstrated what we felt.

As we entered the freeway, the distance between us and the kids got farther, and my chest heaved. The dam broke. The tears flowed. My husband reached over and held my hand. My middle child rubbed my shoulder.

This goodbye felt like a death. While it is a “death” of their childhood as they are becoming adults, it also feels like it will be forever before we see them again.

And in the moment of my grief, I was thankful that I was not part of a family of vultures.

If you are a parent who has said goodbye to your college kids this year. Check out this resource that I created for those who stay. DOCK: a resource for the Stayers

Transition Rollercoaster – Round 2

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This article was first published on July 31, 2020, titled Transition Roller Coaster. I have reworked and updated it below.

Transitions. It is a rocky time for globally mobile families. You are up and then down. Tossed and turned. Some people like the thrill of rollercoasters. Some people do not.

Transitioning with all the unknowns, chaos, and goodbyes feels like a never-ending rollercoaster ride. And just as people have very different opinions about rollercoasters, each person in a globally mobile family will have different reactions during this time of transition.

So, what can you, as the parent or caregiver, do?

  1. Be aware. Be aware of your own feelings and responses to those feelings. Observe how your body is responding to all the emotions you may be having. Is there tension in your shoulders? Headaches? Also, be aware that others may be acting out of response to anxiety, deep sadness, or even fear.
  2. Choose Grace. Grace is a Christian word that basically means gift. Offer the gift of understanding when a young child throws a tantrum at the table. Give grace to your spouse when you find them “hiding” in a book, TV series, or a game. Giving grace sometimes means forgiving before it’s been asked for. Don’t forget to give yourself grace. It’s easy to be hard on yourself, but you need grace, too.
  3. Communicate. When you are aware of your own actions and responses you can communicate with your family how you are feeling. You can ask for forgiveness when you’ve spoken in anger because of stress. You can ask how they are doing with this upcoming change. Use open-ended questions that do not allow for responses like “Okay,” “Fine,” or “It was good.” Ask “What are you going to miss the most?” or “How do you want to stay in touch with ______?” Remember though, that HOW you communicate is key – go back to #2 for guidance.

It’s easy to just close your eyes during a rollercoaster ride and not have the full experience. It’s also easy to just try to skip all of the parts of the transition to avoid the painful and hard moments, but it’s important to go through them. It’s important to process it all. Your mind and heart both need it.

So, I challenge you to hold on to that safety harness and force your eyes to stay open through all the dips, dives, and loops this transition rollercoaster brings.

Letting Your TCK Go: Graduation

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It is four weeks until graduation and eight weeks until the flight. It’s not the flight that leads to a busy summer of visiting family and friends (though there will be some of that). Not the flight of our family leaving our host country to start a new adventure. No, it’s the flight where our TCK leaves the nest.

This is the second go around, so part of me believes that I should know what to expect. To be better prepared for the hard good-byes.

Nope. I’ve been busy going down the aisles of denial. You know, those store aisles where you find yourself meandering because they just have a little of everything that is interesting, but you never commit to putting it in your shopping cart?

That is how I’m feeling. We’ve looked at future options. We’ve planned a last trip. I look at all the things that need to be packed or sold because we will return to having ONE home. But I’ve only taken note. I’ve not actually packed anything. I’ve not put up any advertisements for things for sale. And I’ve not written anything because it feels raw.

Because as soon as I do any one of those things – I will have stepped out of that aisle and into reality.

It’s kind of funny because I give talks and help people transition. But I have avoided my own transition. It’s always easier to help others than to deal with our own grief, right?

But this week, starting with this post, I am committing to enter into this reality that soon she will leave. Soon she will pack up her room. Soon we will go to the airport. Soon I will drop her off wherever she will be going and I will leave. Soon I will return without her.

Just writing that my eyes become blurry. But I need you, dear and faithful readers, to keep me accountable. To be present in the moments we have left where we are. To be in the midst of joy and celebration, alongside goodbye and grief.

She’s been RAFTinG.
And I’ve helped her with that.
But what am I going to do?

Work on my DOCK. You can read more about this tool for Stayers over at my business site, Global Crossroads Consulting.

  • But it’s leaning in and being self-aware of your own emotions.
  • It’s listening and acknowledging all the emotions and thoughts your TCK is experiencing.
  • It’s remembering.
  • It’s finding good and healthy ways to stay connected.
  • And it is about finding space to process the grief.

Anyone else finding their family in this kind of a season? How are you coping?

Book Review: SERVING AT THE ENDS OF THE EARTH by Steve and Gill Bryant

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SERVING AT THE ENDS OF THE EARTH: Family life and TCKs, 3rd edition

by Steve and Gill Bryant

Published: 2017

*Please note that I earn from qualifying purchases as an Amazon Associate. Please see the disclaimer at the bottom of the page.

Serving at the Ends of the Earth is divided into seven sections. Steve and Gill begin by laying a foundation for what a missionary kid (MK) or third culture kid (TCK) is. They devote a section on transition describing what it is like, ideas to help with re-entry, and even a chapter for those times when a family may suddenly need to leave the host country without warning. Another section deals with parenting TCKs and has a chapter on cross-cultural marriages, which is nice as there are not a lot of resources on this topic. These sections are helpful and bring up some points that would be good for spouses/partners to discuss during all stages of transition.

I appreciated the last three sections of the book. First, one section deals with the heavy topic of dangerous situations and keeping children safe. This section was practical and is something that more and more organizations are becoming more educated in. I was glad to see it in this book as parents also need to be educated and know practical ways to keep their children safe.

The next section was about non-American TCKs. I appreciated this section because much of the literature comes from this background, and it is so good to read about what TCKs from other parts of the world experience. Their experiences are different and the challenges of repatriating or transitioning to university can be tricky. If you work in international schools, mission organizations, or HR departments of companies that have missionaries/global workers from all over the world, then I highly recommend this book just for this section alone.

The book’s last section is near and dear to my heart – educational issues. They discuss the different options, as well as their advantages and disadvantages. Another chapter deals with boarding schools. These two chapters are logical and can really help parents figure out what is best for each of their children. The authors point out that children are different and could need different educational options to help them grow and mature. The last chapter is on special education. Most of this chapter described various impairments, but the last few pages had guidelines for parents of children with special needs and for the sending agency. While I’m glad they included this chapter, I had a lot of questions after reading it, especially regarding their recommendations about MK schools being willing and able to take these students. While one would think it might be true, in reality there are few. But that is for another post at another time.

Though the audience of this book is missionary families and those who work with them, I see benefits to any global mobile family or organization/company that works with them to better understand what families need to consider when making a big move.

Guest at Multicultural Kids Blog for Chinese New Year (Lunar New Year)

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This week, I was a guest writer for the Multicultural Kids Blog. A few weeks ago, I took my youngest to one of the oldest CNY markets in Taipei. I shared about what I experienced as a mother to a child about to fly the nest.

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But, if you are interested in what a CNY market is like, then come with me and tour the market through photos and descriptions of what we saw that evening. You can find the full tour at this MKB site.

Day in the Life: A “No Regrets” Story

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My youngest TCK will graduate at the end of this semester, and we are starting to build her RAF(G)T while I build my DOCK. Since Chinese New Year (also known as Lunar New Year) is quickly approaching, I thought going to the oldest market in Taipei, Di Hua Jie (迪化街), was important.

The Decision:

We live in what is called New Taipei City. Traveling into the city can take up to 1.5 hours by bus. Driving might take less time, but finding parking is not a game I like to play, especially on a weekend. All week the weather was dark, raining and cold. Everything in me rejected the idea of going into the city to do this with my daughter. Even she was not thrilled, but we looked at a weather app, which forecasted an “8% chance of rain.” It was going to be this night or not at all. We grabbed our coats and bus cards and briskly walked to the bus stop.

The Journey:

The bus was running the air conditioner. I kid you not. For one hour, I sat rocking, rubbing my arms trying to get warm, thinking, “Why did I think this would be a good idea? Why did I agree to this?”

We exited the bus at the Main Station, and I saw this statue that said “Father’s Love.” I smiled. It was not raining, and it was much warmer than the bus. Plus, just a few hundred meters away we spotted one of our favorite meals, hotpot. Perfect for cooler winter days.

The Time Together:

If you have ever been to an open market, you will understand the crowds, the hustle and bustle of everyone. If you have not, then imagine this: Dads holding the hands of toddlers. Moms pushing strollers. Grandparents showing their grandchildren bright red ornaments. Children stuffing plastic bags with bright-colored candy. Slowly moving along to the music of vendors calling out to buy their goods. Stopping every few steps to accept the offer of said good. Samples of spicy peanuts, dried pork, dried squic, dried veggies and fruit, sweet and sour candy, and nougat candy – it’s a paradise for any Foodie.

But it is also the opposite for those who are quick to get overstimulated. This is one reason why we only went one time as a family. It would have been when I was the mom pushing the double stroller while my husband held our toddler’s hand and parted a path through the crowd. I smiled and nodded to many parents with littles remembering those long ago days. Was it really that long ago?

The Conclusion:

As we slowly shuffled down the street, sampling a little of this and a lot of that, I noticed my daughter shifting from the follower to the leader. Isn’t that how life is supposed to be in a way. We lead our children in the ways we hope they will go. We teach, we guide, and then one day, they go off on their own, sometimes leading us.

Part of my DOCK was completed that evening. I started the evening wondering if I would regret the decision we made to venture out on a cold evening. The only regret I have is not buying another strawberry redbean mochi.

Book Review: SERVING WELL by Elizabeth and Jonathan Trotter

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SERVING WELL: Help for the Wannabe, Newbie, or Weary Cross-Cultural Christian Worker

by Elizabeth and Jonathan Trotter

Published: 2019

*Please note as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Serving Well is a compilation of short articles and blog posts that Elizabeth and Jonathan wrote during their time in SE Asia and after their return to the States. It is organized in such a way that readers can easily find topics that apply to what they are looking for. In fact there are eleven sections: Preparing Well, Moving Well, Grieving Well, Talking Care of Your Heart Well, Taking Care of Your Marriage Well, Taking Care of Your Children Well, Working Well, Anticipating Well, Recalculating Well, Communicating Well, and Returning Well. The book really covers from preparing to leave to returning and everything in between.

Neither author expected to be writers, but they have developed the craft of writing and produced a book that is a useful resource for any family about to embark on this journey of living overseas. My only critique was that they had an article titled, “A Letter to Singles” that was directed to single women missionaries, not all singles. I do think that if they ever write a second edition, adding some articles to each section for singles would be make this book a valuable resource for any mission organization or member care team.

Overall, I do recommend it for families living abroad.