Author Archives: MaDonna

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About MaDonna

I grew up in mid-west, USA. Moved to mainland China after college hoping to change the world. But, instead, my world changed. I entered TCK-land. I married a German TCK and had three little TCKs of our own. I describe the five of us as the "Fusion Family". We are fused together by cultures and disabilities. All three were born in mainland China. One has a genetic disorder called Cri-du-Chat. And one is adopted. The other is just a typical oldest child. I'm still that mid-west girl who loves a good steak, but with a splash of Asian flair caught eating curry in her tuna salad sandwich.

Global-Minded Children

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A couple of weeks ago I read a blog post, Global-Minded Education: A New Currency for the 21st Century, by Libby Stephens. That article has made me stop and ponder what I teach my own children on a daily basis. If you have a moment, go and read it. It is very insightful and thought-provoking as a parent and as an educator, too.

I know and understand that most schools are educating our children in many of the areas that Libby mentions, but what, as parents, can we do to reinforce this global mindset in our children?

1. Educate Yourself. You will not be able to teach, or even talk about any of the issues that Libby writes about if you first do not already know something about it. So grab a newspaper, open up an online news channel and find out what is going on globally. Read articles on environmental living, and brainstorm with the whole family ways to change your lifestyle habits for the better. If you haven’t read Libby’s blog post, go now. That’s a good starting point.

2. Talk with your child(ren). Some of the issues are not for the younger crowd, so if you have young children pick the ones that are appropriate. If you have older teens, find out what they already know and begin the discussion. Talk to your child(ren) and discover what issues really concern them. Are they concerned? Can we challenge our child(ren)to think about other things other then their homework, their friends, their iphones, etc.? I think so. Make one night of the month Discussion Night and talk about one of the issues.

3. Make a Plan. I think talking is good and it helps to educate the whole family, but is there anything that you or your child(ren) can do? Does your child want to actively do something? I was challenged this summer by the story of Rachel Beckwith, the 9-year old girl from Washington state that asked her friends and family to donate money to Charity Water instead of buying presents. Her goal was $300, but she didn’t quite make it by her birthday. A few weeks later, she died in a car wreck. Her death challenged people from around the world to give in her honor. The total amount given was around $1 million. A 9-year old. Astounding isn’t it? What really stood out to me about Rachel, though, was her desire to help others, her global mindset.  At age 5, she grew her hair out for Locks of Love, an organization that uses hair to make wigs for people who have cancer or other diseases. Where did she hear about this organization? How did she come up with this idea? I don’t have those answers, but I applaud her parents for encouraging and allowing her to do those things. Her parents are an example to me. How am I equipping/encouraging my children to do those kind of things? It all goes back to #1 and #2. Inform yourself, talk with your kids about those issues, and then listen to see what your kids want to do about them.

What are your thoughts? Are you challenged by Libby’s post? What are your ideas? Please comment below.

*If you’d like to read more about Rachel Beckwith, Nicholas D. Kristof wrote an excellent piece, Rachel’s Last Fund-Raiser, for the NY Times.

Children and Crowds

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It’s night and the clouds have created a dark night. Not a single star is in view. Then one peaks out from behind the clouds shining brightly. It stands out and you can’t help but gaze at it. That description is kind of like living in Asia (or any other country that the population mainly looks the same), but not being Asian. You stick out. People gaze at you. You are different than the majority. When a child enters the scene, all eyes turn towards the mini-version of you. That mini-version is like a comet on a clear night with lots of stars out, People don’t just gaze at it, but also marvel and point at it.

Some kids take the spotlight and perform like an actor on broadway. They dance and jump, and maybe even speak to the crowd of onlookers. Other children freeze up when the spotlight glares at them. They may cry or scream for their dad or mom. I don’t believe being born in a different country has to do with whether the child loves crowds or not. My three children were all born in Asia, yet they all respond in very different ways. One is the star, one hides, and the other is a mixture of the two. I do believe that age can play a factor, but not always. I’ve watched my child who hides behind me whenever approached begin to not do that. Instead that child will now say, Hi, and answer simple questions.

As parents, we want to protect our children, yet teach them respect. Here are a few strategies that I took with the kids were younger.

1. Grab and Run. Not literally, but the idea of taking the child quickly out of the situation.  It is the times when your child(ren) are in danger or exasperated to the point of super meltdown. Young children need to feel safe and that you are going to protect them. If they are in extreme fear, this needs to happen.

2. Hide and Smile. Similar to the above, except that your child is not in danger or extremely afraid, just upset. Picking up the child and letting them hide their face gives them some space and a sense of protection. A smile from you, and maybe simply saying He/She is really shy, will let the crowd know that everything is ok.

3. Watch Them Shine. This is when your child is loving all the questions and the attention. Stand nearby and watch them entertain. Maybe they will become an actress on stage and this is their first audience!

Now that my kids are older, I expect them to be respectful of others. They are old enough to greet properly and answer simple questions. If they don’t feel like speaking, I tell them that they at least have to say Hi with a smile, and then they can walk away. I don’t expect them to perform like monkeys on stage. They know this, but they also know that I expect them to not be rude.

How do you handle these situations? How have you taught your child(ren) to respect others when they don’t want to be on “stage”?

*photo by flickr

Popped Confidence

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photo by flickr.com

I’ve language studied on and off for a little over 10 years.  I’m not fluent. (Note on and off, never full-time.) I can get around on my own and feel fairly confident when talking with the locals. That is until my 10-year old, or worse my 6-year old, corrects me.

POP! My Confidence busts like a needle piercing a balloon.

I know that children just naturally learn the language faster, but it doesn’t stop the sting. For expample:

“No Mom, that is not how you say it.” Yeah, that makes me feel real confident. 

“MOM, (giggle) do you know what you just said? You said (giggle) ___“. My balloon of confidence is popped.

I could get angry with them. I could get depressed about my lack of language. Honestly, I’m sure I have been guilty of both, but here is what I try to do.

1. Smile and laugh. If you haven’t learned to laugh at yourself, language learning will teach you with or without children. Also, I believe laughing with your child(ren) teaches them to laugh at their own mistakes.

2. Embrace it. Use those little language dictionaries on legs to your advantage. It saves time and gives your child(ren) opportunities to use their language outside the classroom. You can always practice when they are not around. 

3. Study More. This is maybe taking a few language classes at a local university, or hiring a tutor to come to your home once a week. It could even be a language exchange with a local friend. Just something to help you increase your language ability.

What strategies do you use to guard against that needle getting too close to your balloon of confidence?

 

 

The Expat Kitchen: Caramel Sauce

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I want to try something like a recipe swap, sort of. At the end of each month, I will post a recipe that can be made almost anywhere in the world. Many of you are Expat Kitchen Experts (a.k.a EKE) and have invaluable culinary wisdom and recipes. The swap part comes from you sharing a favorite recipe with us. All you need to do is simply email me your recipe with your name. At the end of the month, I’ll post 1-2 recipes to share with everyone.  You can email me at mdmaurer135(at)gmail(dot)com.

I’ll start this month off with an easy to make recipe. This week we’ve experienced cooler weather because of a typhoon. Since the kids had a typhoon day I felt like we needed some comfort food….Caramel Apples. Caramel candies are not easily available where we live, so here is how I make it.

Caramel Sauce

Place one can of sweetened condensed milk into a sauce pan and cover completely with water. Boil for 3-31/2 hours. Very Important: Water must always cover the can, so watch the water level and add as needed.  At the end of the boiling time, carefully remove the can and let it cool for 10-15 minutes. Open and start dipping.

After I opened our can I poured it into a bowl and the kids spooned it over their apples. This could be used on ice-cream or other desserts, as well.

Remember to email me your recipes!

Doctors and Dentists, Oh My

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*photo by flickr

I was young and single when I boarded the plane to begin life overseas.  I didn’t put a lot of thought into doctors, hospitals, or any other health related issues. Probably not that wise, I know, but that was years ago and I was young. After I became pregnant I began to look at heath care differently. When my second child was diagnosed with Cri-du-Chat, a genetic disorder, I really studied the whole medical scene.

So, how do you handle heath care in a language you don’t understand? This is difficult and often a huge reason why people don’t move overseas. Many times there is a translation problem, and frankly, who wants to vaguely understand what is being said by the doctor. I know I don’t, so here are a few suggestions I have to help.

1. Study the “system”. Each country has different systems and procedures in seeing a doctor. Ask other parents questions like: Do you need an appointment? How do you register? Do I need to go to the hospital or is there an office?  In our last move I was fortunate to have a friend who could speak the language and knew the system well. She actually took me to the hospital and showed me how it all worked. If you can take a tour with a friend, think about registering your child(ren) at that time. Taking time to fill out the medical forms = less time to wait for doctor with a sick child. Knowing and understanding the system before the crisis is beneficial.

2. File important medical documents. Put any medical documents such as vaccination records, diagnosis records, and even insurance information into a filing system. It doesn’t have to be elaborate and huge, but it should be in a safe place and easy to find.

3. Make a list of doctors.   It is better to have this list before your child(ren) is sick. Ask parents at the school what pediatricians, family doctors, and dentists they like. Find out if they speak English or not. Another idea is to check for an expat website for your city. There is probably a forum for hospitals and doctors where other parents recommend their favorites.

4. Start a medical dictionary.  I’ve used a simple notebook to write out medical phrases or words that I needed the doctors to understand. This has really helped with translation problems during a consultation. If you have a language teacher, ask them to help with this or find a friend that can read and write the language.  Another thought is to download an English/foreign language dictionary onto your smartphone. This has been helpful for me in other situations, so I highly recommend finding a good one in the language you need.

5. Bookmark a few medical websites. I’m not suggesting that you should check your child’s symptoms online, even though there are some websites that offer that service for free. What I am suggesting is that you use these sites to research what a doctor at the hospital/clinic has diagnosed. Many times treatments and descriptions get lost in translation. I have used webmd.com or have searched on Google to find a description of the diagnosis. I have also used Google to research medications that were given to my child. Internet can be a wonderful tool, can’t it?

*Note that if you live in an area where medical availability is limited, then make sure you have your medical records easy to pack; and if you don’t already have emergency evacuation insurance, I’d suggest you look into getting it. It saved our daughter’s life.

I’m always up for learning more, so if you have any other ideas that would be useful please share in the comments below. Thanks!

The Days After the First Day of School

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Last post I shared tips on how we were going to help our youngest make the transition into a new school. Her first day went well.  She made friends. She liked her teachers. A week has gone by and all seems okay, yet she isn’t completely confident. She’s excited about school, but also nervous. At first I was concerned, but my wise husband reminded me that we just need to give her time to adjust.

Maybe, like me, you are concerned about your TCK and how they are adjusting to their new school.  Give. It. Time.  Whether transferring from a new country or from a local school, he is in a period of transition. It may take a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a month for him to find his place and feel secure. This all depends, of course, on his age. How can parents help?

1. Listen, Listen, Listen.  This is probably the most important, yet hardest to do. We all want to “fix” the problems immediately for our hurting/struggling child(ren), but many times we just need to listen.  Listening to a 6-year old vs. a 16-year old is not the same and should be approached differently.  Younger children can be asked questions like, What was the best part of today? the worst? Who did you play with at recess? Older children will shut off immediately if you start asking questions like that. They may even brush off the question, How was your day?  I’ve found that I’ve learned more from my oldest child when I am not trying to pry information from him.  This usually happens when we are playing a game, putting a puzzle together, or doing the dishes together. Really, it can be anything that doesn’t make him feel like he’s under interrogation. Find time to do something with your older child, but the key is when they do start to open up and share, you need to listen.

2. Encourage your child to get involved. What is your child interested in?  Check to see if your school offers activities or clubs after school, then encourage your child to get involved with one. If there are no clubs at your school ask if you could start one. Being involved in school activities helps develop friendships and forms a feeling of belonging. Both necessary for the transition to a new school.

3. Talk with your child’s teacher. If after a few months have past and you still notice that your child isn’t transitioning well, then make an appointment to see the teacher. Ask his teacher if he has noticed anything during the school day. If there is a concern, then a counselor might need to be consulted.  If the teacher hasn’t noticed, then ask him to observe that week to see what your child does at recess or during free time. It might be that all is fine at school, but at home he is reminded of what he left behind.  In that case, he is still in transition, which is normal.

How have you helped your child(ren) transition after that first day?  Love to hear your ideas!

Parent’s Guide to First Day of a New School

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I posted last time that our youngest will be attending a new school in a few days.  I shared some ideas about how we have prepared her for her new school.  Now what about that first day? How can we, the parents, make the start as smooth as possible for our child(ren)?  Below are 5 ideas that I think will help you (and me, too!).

1. Talk to your child(ren) about the first day.  Does your child want to be taken to the classroom or just to the front door?  A younger child will probably want to be taken to the classroom. An older child may prefer you be out of sight that first day and most likely everyday! Talk to your child and make a plan, but be prepared for a quick change of mind that morning. First day fears could take over.
2. Do a practice run. One weekday before school starts you should calculate how much time it takes to get to school in the morning. Leave your home about the time you think you will be leaving to see how long it actually takes. This way you don’t run the risk of arriving late on the first day because you did not consider morning traffic.
3. Plan to celebrate.Kids love to celebrate, so why not celebrate the first day at the new school? It may help your child(ren)  knowing that later on they will get a special treat. It could be dinner that evening at their favorite restaurant or a trip to the ice-cream store right after school.  If it’s not possible to celebrate that first night, plan something for the weekend. If your family is really into celebrating, do both. =)

4. Prepare a little surprise for lunch or snack.  Write a note on a post-it simply saying, “We love you!” or “Hope you are having a great day!”  You could also wrap their favorite snack up like a present.  Here’s what Jamie Oliver (!) suggests: carve a message into the banana peel. The words become darker with time.  Anything to bring a little smile to their face!

5. Don’t stay too long. What I mean by this is, don’t stay in or near the classroom very long. I know some kids will cry and cling, but the best thing is for the parent to kiss the child, tell them they love him/her and will be back after school, and then walk out.  Leave. Don’t stand in the hallway or anywhere your child can see you. This will only upset your child more. Usually, after about 15 minutes or so, they will become engaged in an activity and the tears will stop. If you are worried, you can always go to a nearby coffee shop with some friends.  The school has your phone number, so if there is a real problem they will call you.

Okay, your turn. Do you have any other ideas? I’d love to read them. Please share in the comments below.

*photo by flickr

Back to School…only it’s a new school.

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It’s that time of year again.

I have started to think about school supplies…like trying to locate the backpacks, lunch bags and anything else that my kids will need on their first day of school.

Yes, school starts in less than a week for two of my kids. For my youngest, this will be a new school. She attended a local school for the past few years, but will now attend the “American” school where we live. She’s a bit nervous and excited all at the same time. She’s been asking questions about her class, her teacher, and if she will have to take her shoes off before entering the classroom.

I believe as parents we must help our kids transition into a new school.  Whether it is changing schools because of a new city/country, going from local school to international school, home-school to a classroom setting, we need to help them feel more confident. I’ve listed 5 ways that you could help your child with this transition.

1. Tell your child what language will be spoken at the school. This sounds very simple, but younger children (and maybe even some older ones) may not realize this and are either pleasantly surprised because they do  understand OR worse, shocked and scared because they don’t understand.

2. Tour the school.  If you can, call in advance and set up a tour.  Or, if this not possible, look up the website of the school and see if they have any video tours or pictures to show what the campus looks like. Show your TCK the classroom, the playground, the cafeteria and anything else that would be of interest to your child(ren).

3. Meet the teacher(s). If possible, try to meet the teacher. Don’t stay too long because they are busy, especially the week before school starts getting the room ready. Most teachers are happy to meet new students briefly before the semester starts. Older students may or may not want to do this. I’d go with whatever they decide. If you are not able to meet the teacher, then check online and see if the school has photos of the faculty. Then at least you and your child will see what your teacher looks like.

4. Meet classmates.  This one might be tough to do, but it’s not impossible. Ask your school if they would be willing to give you contact information of other parents. Also, go to English language churches, clubs, or restaurants that you think other members of the expat community might attend.  In addition, there maybe various websites regarding expat life in your city. Check those to see if there are any events for children.

5. Listen to your child. This is the most important. Let them share their fears, excitement, and sadness with you. They will most likely be sad about leaving the “old” school.  You may just need to hold them and let them cry. It can be a hard “season” for everyone, but it is just that, a season. It will change and it will get better. Share that you understand and are there for them.

I understand that my daughter might still be nervous and may even shed a tear come Monday morning. But, at least I know some of her fears can be put aside because of taking these steps.

I know there are other ideas out there. So share. What have you done to help your child transition into a new school?