Tag Archives: tcks

Children and Crowds

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It’s night and the clouds have created a dark night. Not a single star is in view. Then one peaks out from behind the clouds shining brightly. It stands out and you can’t help but gaze at it. That description is kind of like living in Asia (or any other country that the population mainly looks the same), but not being Asian. You stick out. People gaze at you. You are different than the majority. When a child enters the scene, all eyes turn towards the mini-version of you. That mini-version is like a comet on a clear night with lots of stars out, People don’t just gaze at it, but also marvel and point at it.

Some kids take the spotlight and perform like an actor on broadway. They dance and jump, and maybe even speak to the crowd of onlookers. Other children freeze up when the spotlight glares at them. They may cry or scream for their dad or mom. I don’t believe being born in a different country has to do with whether the child loves crowds or not. My three children were all born in Asia, yet they all respond in very different ways. One is the star, one hides, and the other is a mixture of the two. I do believe that age can play a factor, but not always. I’ve watched my child who hides behind me whenever approached begin to not do that. Instead that child will now say, Hi, and answer simple questions.

As parents, we want to protect our children, yet teach them respect. Here are a few strategies that I took with the kids were younger.

1. Grab and Run. Not literally, but the idea of taking the child quickly out of the situation.  It is the times when your child(ren) are in danger or exasperated to the point of super meltdown. Young children need to feel safe and that you are going to protect them. If they are in extreme fear, this needs to happen.

2. Hide and Smile. Similar to the above, except that your child is not in danger or extremely afraid, just upset. Picking up the child and letting them hide their face gives them some space and a sense of protection. A smile from you, and maybe simply saying He/She is really shy, will let the crowd know that everything is ok.

3. Watch Them Shine. This is when your child is loving all the questions and the attention. Stand nearby and watch them entertain. Maybe they will become an actress on stage and this is their first audience!

Now that my kids are older, I expect them to be respectful of others. They are old enough to greet properly and answer simple questions. If they don’t feel like speaking, I tell them that they at least have to say Hi with a smile, and then they can walk away. I don’t expect them to perform like monkeys on stage. They know this, but they also know that I expect them to not be rude.

How do you handle these situations? How have you taught your child(ren) to respect others when they don’t want to be on “stage”?

*photo by flickr

Popped Confidence

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photo by flickr.com

I’ve language studied on and off for a little over 10 years.  I’m not fluent. (Note on and off, never full-time.) I can get around on my own and feel fairly confident when talking with the locals. That is until my 10-year old, or worse my 6-year old, corrects me.

POP! My Confidence busts like a needle piercing a balloon.

I know that children just naturally learn the language faster, but it doesn’t stop the sting. For expample:

“No Mom, that is not how you say it.” Yeah, that makes me feel real confident. 

“MOM, (giggle) do you know what you just said? You said (giggle) ___“. My balloon of confidence is popped.

I could get angry with them. I could get depressed about my lack of language. Honestly, I’m sure I have been guilty of both, but here is what I try to do.

1. Smile and laugh. If you haven’t learned to laugh at yourself, language learning will teach you with or without children. Also, I believe laughing with your child(ren) teaches them to laugh at their own mistakes.

2. Embrace it. Use those little language dictionaries on legs to your advantage. It saves time and gives your child(ren) opportunities to use their language outside the classroom. You can always practice when they are not around. 

3. Study More. This is maybe taking a few language classes at a local university, or hiring a tutor to come to your home once a week. It could even be a language exchange with a local friend. Just something to help you increase your language ability.

What strategies do you use to guard against that needle getting too close to your balloon of confidence?

 

 

Doctors and Dentists, Oh My

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*photo by flickr

I was young and single when I boarded the plane to begin life overseas.  I didn’t put a lot of thought into doctors, hospitals, or any other health related issues. Probably not that wise, I know, but that was years ago and I was young. After I became pregnant I began to look at heath care differently. When my second child was diagnosed with Cri-du-Chat, a genetic disorder, I really studied the whole medical scene.

So, how do you handle heath care in a language you don’t understand? This is difficult and often a huge reason why people don’t move overseas. Many times there is a translation problem, and frankly, who wants to vaguely understand what is being said by the doctor. I know I don’t, so here are a few suggestions I have to help.

1. Study the “system”. Each country has different systems and procedures in seeing a doctor. Ask other parents questions like: Do you need an appointment? How do you register? Do I need to go to the hospital or is there an office?  In our last move I was fortunate to have a friend who could speak the language and knew the system well. She actually took me to the hospital and showed me how it all worked. If you can take a tour with a friend, think about registering your child(ren) at that time. Taking time to fill out the medical forms = less time to wait for doctor with a sick child. Knowing and understanding the system before the crisis is beneficial.

2. File important medical documents. Put any medical documents such as vaccination records, diagnosis records, and even insurance information into a filing system. It doesn’t have to be elaborate and huge, but it should be in a safe place and easy to find.

3. Make a list of doctors.   It is better to have this list before your child(ren) is sick. Ask parents at the school what pediatricians, family doctors, and dentists they like. Find out if they speak English or not. Another idea is to check for an expat website for your city. There is probably a forum for hospitals and doctors where other parents recommend their favorites.

4. Start a medical dictionary.  I’ve used a simple notebook to write out medical phrases or words that I needed the doctors to understand. This has really helped with translation problems during a consultation. If you have a language teacher, ask them to help with this or find a friend that can read and write the language.  Another thought is to download an English/foreign language dictionary onto your smartphone. This has been helpful for me in other situations, so I highly recommend finding a good one in the language you need.

5. Bookmark a few medical websites. I’m not suggesting that you should check your child’s symptoms online, even though there are some websites that offer that service for free. What I am suggesting is that you use these sites to research what a doctor at the hospital/clinic has diagnosed. Many times treatments and descriptions get lost in translation. I have used webmd.com or have searched on Google to find a description of the diagnosis. I have also used Google to research medications that were given to my child. Internet can be a wonderful tool, can’t it?

*Note that if you live in an area where medical availability is limited, then make sure you have your medical records easy to pack; and if you don’t already have emergency evacuation insurance, I’d suggest you look into getting it. It saved our daughter’s life.

I’m always up for learning more, so if you have any other ideas that would be useful please share in the comments below. Thanks!