It is four weeks until graduation and eight weeks until the flight. It’s not the flight that leads to a busy summer of visiting family and friends (though there will be some of that). Not the flight of our family leaving our host country to start a new adventure. No, it’s the flight where our TCK leaves the nest.
This is the second go around, so part of me believes that I should know what to expect. To be better prepared for the hard good-byes.
Nope. I’ve been busy going down the aisles of denial. You know, those store aisles where you find yourself meandering because they just have a little of everything that is interesting, but you never commit to putting it in your shopping cart?
That is how I’m feeling. We’ve looked at future options. We’ve planned a last trip. I look at all the things that need to be packed or sold because we will return to having ONE home. But I’ve only taken note. I’ve not actually packed anything. I’ve not put up any advertisements for things for sale. And I’ve not written anything because it feels raw.
Because as soon as I do any one of those things – I will have stepped out of that aisle and into reality.
It’s kind of funny because I give talks and help people transition. But I have avoided my own transition. It’s always easier to help others than to deal with our own grief, right?
But this week, starting with this post, I am committing to enter into this reality that soon she will leave. Soon she will pack up her room. Soon we will go to the airport. Soon I will drop her off wherever she will be going and I will leave. Soon I will return without her.
Just writing that my eyes become blurry. But I need you, dear and faithful readers, to keep me accountable. To be present in the moments we have left where we are. To be in the midst of joy and celebration, alongside goodbye and grief.
She’s been RAFTinG. And I’ve helped her with that. But what am I going to do?
Work on my DOCK. You can read more about this tool for Stayers over at my business site, Global Crossroads Consulting.
But it’s leaning in and being self-aware of your own emotions.
It’s listening and acknowledging all the emotions and thoughts your TCK is experiencing.
It’s remembering.
It’s finding good and healthy ways to stay connected.
And it is about finding space to process the grief.
Anyone else finding their family in this kind of a season? How are you coping?
It’s Mother’s Day weekend and technically less than a month until my oldest dons the cap and gown of a graduate. (Yes, his class will be one of a handful of graduates in the world who actually gets to experience a real ceremony.) Yet, even if they didn’t, I think I’d be pondering and reminiscing this weekend anyway.
My oldest was the one who first called me “Mama”.
Besides his father, of course, he was the first to steal my heart, bring such pure joy and delight.
And in less than a month – he graduates. Three months later he’ll be living across the ocean from us – not just over the mountains.
I knew living overseas was going to be hard. I knew when I married Uwe that life would be full of good-byes. I mean, I’ve said my fair share of good-byes, but I’ve also watched friends say good-bye to their own graduates. I’ve listened to them in their mixture of grief and excitement. I’ve been preparing my heart and mind all school year for this.
But, let me tell you – No matter how you think you’ve prepared for this day:
It. Still. Hurts.
I’ve looked back at other posts that I’ve made in previous years regarding Mother’s Day. I wrote about a surprise weekend that my husband and kids pulled off; a quiet picnic at the beach; and a letter to my younger self where I wish I had my “more mature self” write a letter to guide me through the teenage years.
This Mother’s Day feels different.
I feel like it is the last with my son.
And, well to be honest, it probably is the last where we’ll be “together”. But, that doesn’t mean I will stop being Mom, right? Of course not.
I can’t get a letter from my “more mature self”, but I can listen to those who have been on this path of motherhood and learn from them.
Like this morning.
My son’s school had a Mother’s Day Brunch for the mom’s of the graduating seniors. Crista Blackhurst, a mom who had her oldest graduate not too long ago, was the speaker. She had great wisdom for us, but the take away I am keeping for this weekend is.
“Be in the moment.”
As I began to ponder that phrase for this post I had some thoughts.
Be in the moment with my…
Body – that’s easy. I’m physically here with him now and will be with the girls tomorrow.
Mind – This one is harder. I want to think about the past or worry about the future, but I need to have my mind on the here and now when we are together. Soak in the moment. Trust that God has all the details worked out and will take care of my children.
Heart – This one is easier if the mind is in the moment. When we trust God, our hearts are at peace.
So, as this weekend begins and I get to celebrate with my son I want to fully enjoy it. And then when I’m celebrating later with my husband and girls, I want to fully enjoy them.
So, my Mother’s Day wish for each of you and myself is that we can
Be in the moment.
Be trusting of God.
Be at peace.
Happy Mother’s Day!
*photo credit: “Standing women facing speeding train” via pixels.com
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