It is four weeks until graduation and eight weeks until the flight. It’s not the flight that leads to a busy summer of visiting family and friends (though there will be some of that). Not the flight of our family leaving our host country to start a new adventure. No, it’s the flight where our TCK leaves the nest.
This is the second go around, so part of me believes that I should know what to expect. To be better prepared for the hard good-byes.
Nope. I’ve been busy going down the aisles of denial. You know, those store aisles where you find yourself meandering because they just have a little of everything that is interesting, but you never commit to putting it in your shopping cart?
That is how I’m feeling. We’ve looked at future options. We’ve planned a last trip. I look at all the things that need to be packed or sold because we will return to having ONE home. But I’ve only taken note. I’ve not actually packed anything. I’ve not put up any advertisements for things for sale. And I’ve not written anything because it feels raw.
Because as soon as I do any one of those things – I will have stepped out of that aisle and into reality.
It’s kind of funny because I give talks and help people transition. But I have avoided my own transition. It’s always easier to help others than to deal with our own grief, right?
But this week, starting with this post, I am committing to enter into this reality that soon she will leave. Soon she will pack up her room. Soon we will go to the airport. Soon I will drop her off wherever she will be going and I will leave. Soon I will return without her.
Just writing that my eyes become blurry. But I need you, dear and faithful readers, to keep me accountable. To be present in the moments we have left where we are. To be in the midst of joy and celebration, alongside goodbye and grief.
She’s been RAFTinG. And I’ve helped her with that. But what am I going to do?
Work on my DOCK. You can read more about this tool for Stayers over at my business site, Global Crossroads Consulting.
But it’s leaning in and being self-aware of your own emotions.
It’s listening and acknowledging all the emotions and thoughts your TCK is experiencing.
It’s remembering.
It’s finding good and healthy ways to stay connected.
And it is about finding space to process the grief.
Anyone else finding their family in this kind of a season? How are you coping?
My youngest TCK will graduate at the end of this semester, and we are starting to build her RAF(G)T while I build my DOCK. Since Chinese New Year (also known as Lunar New Year) is quickly approaching, I thought going to the oldest market in Taipei, Di Hua Jie (迪化街), was important.
The Decision:
We live in what is called New Taipei City. Traveling into the city can take up to 1.5 hours by bus. Driving might take less time, but finding parking is not a game I like to play, especially on a weekend. All week the weather was dark, raining and cold. Everything in me rejected the idea of going into the city to do this with my daughter. Even she was not thrilled, but we looked at a weather app, which forecasted an “8% chance of rain.” It was going to be this night or not at all. We grabbed our coats and bus cards and briskly walked to the bus stop.
The Journey:
The bus was running the air conditioner. I kid you not. For one hour, I sat rocking, rubbing my arms trying to get warm, thinking, “Why did I think this would be a good idea? Why did I agree to this?”
We exited the bus at the Main Station, and I saw this statue that said “Father’s Love.” I smiled. It was not raining, and it was much warmer than the bus. Plus, just a few hundred meters away we spotted one of our favorite meals, hotpot. Perfect for cooler winter days.
The Time Together:
If you have ever been to an open market, you will understand the crowds, the hustle and bustle of everyone. If you have not, then imagine this: Dads holding the hands of toddlers. Moms pushing strollers. Grandparents showing their grandchildren bright red ornaments. Children stuffing plastic bags with bright-colored candy. Slowly moving along to the music of vendors calling out to buy their goods. Stopping every few steps to accept the offer of said good. Samples of spicy peanuts, dried pork, dried squic, dried veggies and fruit, sweet and sour candy, and nougat candy – it’s a paradise for any Foodie.
But it is also the opposite for those who are quick to get overstimulated. This is one reason why we only went one time as a family. It would have been when I was the mom pushing the double stroller while my husband held our toddler’s hand and parted a path through the crowd. I smiled and nodded to many parents with littles remembering those long ago days. Was it really that long ago?
The Conclusion:
As we slowly shuffled down the street, sampling a little of this and a lot of that, I noticed my daughter shifting from the follower to the leader. Isn’t that how life is supposed to be in a way. We lead our children in the ways we hope they will go. We teach, we guide, and then one day, they go off on their own, sometimes leading us.
Part of my DOCK was completed that evening. I started the evening wondering if I would regret the decision we made to venture out on a cold evening. The only regret I have is not buying another strawberry redbean mochi.
raisingTCKs 