Day one of 2025 is here. At midnight, our city had a spectacular display of fireworks. I know this for two reasons. One, I felt our house shake from all the “booms,” which caused our dog to whine and bark up and down the hallway, which woke our twenty-something daughter with disabilities. Second, a friend who lives in a village just across the river posted a video this morning of the show from her balcony. I apprecitated the show better from her point of view.
This morning felt heavy – and not from partying the night before. When you have a child with disabilities, many things end – or rather, they change. Some for the better.
One thing that hasn’t changed is that every morning, I write in my journal and read my Bible – some mornings, I write the happenings of the day before or process something I had read in a book the night before. This morning, I processed what my One Word* would be:
I’ve been thinking about a word for this year, but nothing has come to mind. This morning, Uwe and I slept until 8 a.m. Matthea woke at 8:30 a.m. and has been a demanding tyrant for the past half hour. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had my coffee or sat with my thoughts and Bible – but if this is the outlook for 2025, then I choose HOPE for my word because I am feeling hopeless right now.
Hopeless that things will change and get better.
Hopeless that my writing will become anything worthy to publish.
Hopeless that I’ll make anything of my business.
Hopeless that Matthea will ever get to go to a Christian Adult Day program.
Hopeless that we will always be stuck in this rut of clutter and chaos.
What a great outlook for the first day of the year. It’s like starting a new book or chapter with marks and tears – making it barely readable, and you just want to throw it in the trash and pick another one off the shelf. But the shelf is bare, and this is the only book on it. It’s yours, a gift from the Lord.
So, hope is needed. Hope to take those tears and repair them, to fill in the pages with resurrection hope…And that can only be done with Christ – the Living Hope.
Hope – in my health, my work, my family, and in the home. I don’t say this flippantly, but because of Christ, there is always hope.
But what does your first day of 2025 look like so far? Do you pick a word for the year? If so, what did you choose?
*One Word – This is choosing one word for the year rather than writing New Year resolutions. The reasoning is that one word is easier to remember and can usually cross into all parts of your life.
**pc: my photo of a candle my oldest gave me a year ago that still makes me laugh every time I look at it.
Today’s story involves my TCK husband, my daughter with special needs, and stress. And, of course, myself with lessons learned.
Setting
You may know that my husband is German but grew up on the island of Taiwan. He has only lived in Germany for a total of six years. This story occurred in his passport country, where the temperature dropped tremendously. We had packed for cooler temperatures, not for winter. We stayed in a village nestled in the middle of steep forested hills and valleys. It was beautiful and quiet but far from civilization.
Conflict
In any story, there is some sort of conflict. It can be person vs. person, person vs. self, or person vs. nature. This one may seem to be a person vs. person conflict, but it is, in fact, a conflict involving all three — one you may call the perfect conflict storm.
Person vs. Nature: Most of my work these days revolves around the computer and being online. The same is true for my husband. This beautiful location had very limited wifi. In fact, we could not all be on it simultaneously. We needed to take turns or go to a coffee shop inside Globus. I was waking up at 4am due to jet lag, so I would work until 7am while most of the village was sleeping. Most days it was slow but doable within those three hours. The weather had turned from sunny, gorgeous blue skies to cold, gray, rainy days. It just added to the tension of this particular morning.
Person vs. Self: The pressure I put on myself is sometimes ridiculous. I struggle with being a perfectionist. At this point, I had writing and editing deadlines due and quite a bit of reading to do. As a mom to an adult with special needs, I wanted to make sure that I had stimulating activities for her to do, which I failed for the most part. Then, there is the pressure I put on myself to be the idolized Proverbs 31 woman. I’m old enough and have studied that passage enough to know the real meaning, but I slip back into that belief system when I’m in my perfectionist mode.
Person vs. Person: My husband is great. He is patient with me and understanding most of the time. But there are times in our lives when we are both under pressure, stressed, and fighting inner battles that we tend to clash with each other. This was one of those mornings. And then there is my daughter with special needs. She is nonverbal, but communicates very well what she wants most of the time. She has her ideas of what she wants and we have our ideas of what she can have. And sometimes those are not the same. Thus, a conflict of wills.
On this early morning, I woke up with no coffee powder. We were out. I didn’t want to risk waking his parents at such an early hour, so I made tea. The internet was at an all-time speed of zilch. Okay, I can go to the coffee shop when Uwe wakes up and still make the deadline. No problem. I read books for my research and did what I could that didn’t require wifi.
Uwe woke and went down to get coffee powder. We had a quiet breakfast together with coffee. My day was getting better. Matthea woke, and I began to help her get ready for the day. Uwe made her breakfast.
All seemed to be going as I had planned.
As I passed the kitchen to grab Matthea’s clothes in the other room, I noticed Uwe packing his computer into his bag.
Umm, are you planning to go to the coffee shop?
I talked to Dad this morning, and he needs to go to the store, so I’m going to ride with him. I will work at the coffee shop and then bring back lunch for us.How does that sound?
A perfect wife would have said, “That sounds wonderful.” But more likely could have said, “Wait, you are going to the coffee shop? Is there any way I could go instead? Or maybe we all go?”
But that is not what came out of my mouth.
I didn’t say anything. I shut the bathroom door and mumbled complaints as I handed Matthea her shirt and pants. So began the inner battles.
What is wrong? He calls from the other side of the door.
Nothing is wrong.
What, are you mad that I’m going to the coffee shop? What were you planning to do?
I pretend to not hear him. I can hear him mumbling in the kitchen as he begins to do the dishes.
I follow Matthea into the kitchen. Her breakfast is on the table. Uwe is at the sink finishing up the last dish. Matthea turned abruptly around and communicated that she wanted her iPad. The rule is that after breakfast, she can listen to an episode while she builds blocks or colors. She had her own expectations of what the day would look like. And a battle of wills began. Another layer of conflict.
The storm was at full brew now.
Climax
With Matthea finally in her chair and eating breakfast, I thought I could grasp what was going on.
What time are you leaving? I asked.
In like twenty minutes.
The struggle in my brain was real. I was pressured to get some writing projects submitted that day, and I had no internet access. I wanted to be warm. I wanted Matthea to be normal and be able to do what typical twenty-one-year-olds do. I wanted Uwe to know what I wanted and needed. This all swirled in my mind, which only frustrated me even more. I could feel my brain flooding.
Flooding is when your emotions are at an all-time high, and you are not able to process what you are feeling. It affects your thoughts and the way you function. And the only way to stop the flooding is to create space to think it out.
I grabbed my tennis shoes.
I’m going for a walk and I promise to be back before you need to leave.
He nodded in understanding. I opened the door to cold, fresh air and started speed walking up the hill. I walked until my lungs stung, which didn’t take long. Within ten minutes, I had my frustrations out and was ready to talk.
Conclusion
I returned in a calm spirit. I told him what I was expecting that morning. He grinned.
What if we all go? Can you be ready in ten minutes?
I love that man. That is precisely what we did. We all went to the coffee shop and got our work done on time. And Matthea enjoyed looking at a new magazine while we worked.
One of the things I have learned in my studies in care and counseling that has really helped me is the idea of flooding. In my own life, I can now recognize when I am heading in that direction or in a state of flooding. I now know that I need space to process what I’m feeling, why I’m feeling those feelings, and even to process what I feel about those feelings. From there, I can make a decision about what I am going to do with all those emotions.
Maybe you can relate to this state of flooding. When your brain is flooding, you need to step away from the conflict and do something different. This will stop the hormones that are literally flooding your brain, telling you that you are in danger.
Or maybe you can relate to my husband. Maybe you have a significant other or child who experiences flooding. In this case, let them have the space away to get control over their emotions. Let them color, do sudoku, take a walk, or something for ten to twenty minutes. Then, talk to them about the conflict. That space will also be good for you as well.
To know more about this, please check out my article, “Transition Issues: Window of Tolerance,” at Global Crossroads Consulting. It explains how some people flood and shutdown and how others get revved up and may explode.
Leaving your TCKs behind to return to life in your host country is NOT easy. This time, we left two, and it was not any easier. When two of the four most precious beings are no longer close by, the desire to buy a house and settle in a place you’ve never been to grows pretty strong.
That morning, I woke to a heavy chest and a lump in my throat. I quietly made coffee and let the tears roll down onto my journal. By the time everyone woke, my eyes were red but dry. We kept busy packing and loading the car.
The first drop-off was the oldest to his new apartment. We met one of his roommates – a fellow TCK. What a gift.
Lunch. I looked at the menu, but nothing sounded good. Who wants to eat when they are full from a plate stacked with grief? We moved the food around our plates, taking bites here and there. My husband tried to lighten the mood with “dad jokes” and asking questions about what the kids have planned for the week.
Everything felt flat. It was that in-between time when it was almost time to drive away. The goodbyes are hidden. Stuffed and buried. The heart aches as time pushes those goodbyes to the surface. I really do not like this space of time.
But it is always better to go through grief. And this is the first step towards letting go.
In the parking lot of his apartment, the tears flow. I know it’s good, but man is it hard. “See you in a year” feels like a lifetime.
And then, we drove our youngest to her new place of residence.
She gets a phone call. She’s been called for an interview for a job. Finally.
Then, we see a large bird on the road. It’s a vulture.
A vulture in the middle of a large city?
We passed slowly to see not one but probably ten to fifteen vultures in a yard. And we smelled that pungent smell of decay.
A car horn blared.
We realized we were mesmerized by this sight and had basically stopped in the road. We moved forward and began laughing.
A few minutes later, we were in the driveway. Quiet. None of us wanted to make the first move.
But the clock kept moving forward, and we had a very long drive ahead of us. We got out of the car.
By this time, our middle daughter with special needs had caught up with what was happening. She began to tear up. Grief wrapped its arms around her tiny frame, and without reserve, she sobbed. The chest heaving kind with wails.
But she demonstrated what we felt.
As we entered the freeway, the distance between us and the kids got farther, and my chest heaved. The dam broke. The tears flowed. My husband reached over and held my hand. My middle child rubbed my shoulder.
This goodbye felt like a death. While it is a “death” of their childhood as they are becoming adults, it also feels like it will be forever before we see them again.
And in the moment of my grief, I was thankful that I was not part of a family of vultures.
If you are a parent who has said goodbye to your college kids this year. Check out this resource that I created for those who stay. DOCK: a resource for the Stayers
My youngest TCK will graduate at the end of this semester, and we are starting to build her RAF(G)T while I build my DOCK. Since Chinese New Year (also known as Lunar New Year) is quickly approaching, I thought going to the oldest market in Taipei, Di Hua Jie (迪化街), was important.
The Decision:
We live in what is called New Taipei City. Traveling into the city can take up to 1.5 hours by bus. Driving might take less time, but finding parking is not a game I like to play, especially on a weekend. All week the weather was dark, raining and cold. Everything in me rejected the idea of going into the city to do this with my daughter. Even she was not thrilled, but we looked at a weather app, which forecasted an “8% chance of rain.” It was going to be this night or not at all. We grabbed our coats and bus cards and briskly walked to the bus stop.
The Journey:
The bus was running the air conditioner. I kid you not. For one hour, I sat rocking, rubbing my arms trying to get warm, thinking, “Why did I think this would be a good idea? Why did I agree to this?”
We exited the bus at the Main Station, and I saw this statue that said “Father’s Love.” I smiled. It was not raining, and it was much warmer than the bus. Plus, just a few hundred meters away we spotted one of our favorite meals, hotpot. Perfect for cooler winter days.
The Time Together:
If you have ever been to an open market, you will understand the crowds, the hustle and bustle of everyone. If you have not, then imagine this: Dads holding the hands of toddlers. Moms pushing strollers. Grandparents showing their grandchildren bright red ornaments. Children stuffing plastic bags with bright-colored candy. Slowly moving along to the music of vendors calling out to buy their goods. Stopping every few steps to accept the offer of said good. Samples of spicy peanuts, dried pork, dried squic, dried veggies and fruit, sweet and sour candy, and nougat candy – it’s a paradise for any Foodie.
But it is also the opposite for those who are quick to get overstimulated. This is one reason why we only went one time as a family. It would have been when I was the mom pushing the double stroller while my husband held our toddler’s hand and parted a path through the crowd. I smiled and nodded to many parents with littles remembering those long ago days. Was it really that long ago?
The Conclusion:
As we slowly shuffled down the street, sampling a little of this and a lot of that, I noticed my daughter shifting from the follower to the leader. Isn’t that how life is supposed to be in a way. We lead our children in the ways we hope they will go. We teach, we guide, and then one day, they go off on their own, sometimes leading us.
Part of my DOCK was completed that evening. I started the evening wondering if I would regret the decision we made to venture out on a cold evening. The only regret I have is not buying another strawberry redbean mochi.
It’s September* and everyone is back in school. Did you hear me sigh? Did you sigh along with me? Don’t get me wrong summers are good, but with a child with special needs they are usually not great. She needs a set schedule with a para and we don’t get either in the summers. Summer schedules are suppose to be flexible. They are to be a time to relax, take a vacation with the family, right?
So, with school starting and the schedule in place life would flow down a lazy river. Nice and easy. You’ve heard of the domino affect, haven’t you? You know after one domino falls, others go right behind it? Today’s story will follow the domino trail; not a lazy river experience.
Domino #1: Beach & Teas
It was a school holiday, Mid-Autumn Festival. So, off to the beach we went for the morning. Just the two of us because the other two were out of town. The sky was blue, the wind was strong, and the sand was warm. M2 rolled around in the sand and waves, built sand mounds, and ran up and down the empty beach. Perfect.
Teas are usually something we buy to take to the beach, but since we left so early there were no shops open. So, after rinsing off the sand and sweat we stopped at a shop before going home. My wallet was at home, but I had a zip-lock full of copper coins. They are worth 1 New Taiwan Dollar. I ordered and paid with 110 coins. Bless those workers hearts as I counted out stacks of ten coins eleven times. (Maybe you are wondering why I had a bag of coins in the car. Well, I’ll save that story for another time, but you can try to guess in the comments.)
We got home and I put the teas in my bag.
Domino #2: Keys & Flipflops
I gathered all our belongings and coaxed M2 out of the car. She is sometimes a sloth when she wants to be. I reminded her that we had tea and then threatened that she would not get tea if she didn’t hurry. Mama had to use the bathroom.
We live in a house with a yard. To enter you have to unlock a tall solid metal swinging gate. Ours is blue. I fanned out the keys on my key ring, but could not find the key to this gate. I looked through the bag to make sure they didn’t get buried under the towels and sand.
“No! Please don’t tell me I left them in the house?!?!”
M2 giggled, snorted, and smacked her leg.
I dropped the bag and climbed up the side wall to see if I could be like my super amazing husband who climbs over and jumps down. I looked down. It’s about a 6-7 foot drop, so not bad. But I looked at my shoes. Flipflops. I was not sure my ankles could take that jump onto concrete. And I was sure our dog looking up at me wagging her tail would not catch me either.
I called a friend who has an the extra set and lives just down the road. No answer.
I found a curved tool in the hedges. “Oh, Lord, please let me jimmy this door open. I really need to use the bathroom and need your help.”
Nothing. I try several times. Nothing
I felt my breathing pick up and my heart rate quicken. By this time our dog was whining on the other side of the gate.
I tried once more, probably with a little more frustration than wisdom. But the door popped open. I got in and I didn’t break the lock. A miracle, I think.
Domino #3: Wet bag & Wet Keys
After washing my hands, I went to the kitchen to retrieve our teas and get something for lunch. My bag was wet. Soaked. I reach inside and pulled out one full cup of tea and one empty cup. When I dropped the bag, the seal on the tea opened and out went the tea onto everything, including my car key which has a battery operated button to unlock it. I ran everything under the water to rinsed it off and then gave M2 chocolate almond milk. She was just as happy with that.
Domino #4: Car Alarm
Two days later we used the car to go to church. The key fob has the buttons on it to lock and unlock the doors. They were not working. I manually unlocked the doors and we drove to church. Later that day we were heading to pick up a friend to go to the beach. The car began to lock and unlock on its own. Strange, but I thought, “Maybe the keys are still wet and they just need time to dry.”
Monday morning same, but not a huge deal. Monday afternoon, I go out to the car to pick up M2 from school and the car alarm goes off when I open the door. I cannot get it to shut off. I try several times to unlock and get in, but the alarm goes off. One time I get in without the alarm going off, but then when I started the car it went off again. A little later, I had the car started, but when I pulled out of the drive the alarm went off again. By this time it had gone off four times. I was loosing my mind.
I call handsome hubby. Bless his heart, he was of no help.
“Push the button on the key fob, that will turn it off.”
“Really,” I said, “You don’t think I’ve tried that? It doesn’t work.”
“Oh, then I don’t know what to tell you, but you have to get to school now or you will be late to pick her up.”
This conversation was going on while the alarm was going off. You can imagine how we were both feeling.
I prayed, “Oh Lord, please let this crazy alarm stop. I cannot go down the street with it going off. Please don’t make me stand out any more than I already do!”
It stopped.
I sent handsome hubby a message asking him to let the teachers know that I was on my way.
He messaged back: “I’m sorry I was not helpful. I was mad because I wasn’t there to help you. I’m glad you got it to stop.”
I love that man.
M2 was in the office waiting for me. I did not turn the car off, but left it running while I ran in to get her. We went straight to the mechanics and asked him to disable the alarm system. He did.
With a chuckle.
Conclusion
Dominoes are fun to watch as they cascade around their merry path. But when that path is your life and it is affects so much of what you do, then that is not so much fun. In fact, it can make you aware of thoughts and emotions that you have about yourself, others, life, and/or the world. I’ve been studying Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy in my final class for my Master’s in Care and Counseling. The biggest takeaway is that beliefs directly influence our emotions and behaviors; not the situation or the event.
Example from my story. The moment I realized that I left the keys at home and did not have them to open the door triggered a belief. The belief that I should never do such a stupid thing like forgetting to take the keys to the house with me and this is terrible, I’ll never be able to get in. This belief started the domino affect of me dropping the bag; not setting the bag down. You could probably go back and see where this belief rises back up at various points in the story. How to change your beliefs is through disputing them, but I’ll save that lesson for another time.
*This story was supposed to be published in September, but for some reason I forgot about it. Maybe it was because I needed to understand REBT more and could begin to introduce it to you all as a way to process events/situations in your own life.
We have another Senior (Grade 12/ 高三) in our home. Child #2 – our daughter who has Cri-du-Chat Syndrome and attends a local special education school in Taiwan will graduate in the spring. I got to attend the two day Graduation Trip with her and like all the other stories in this series there were lessons learned.
Preparations: Attitude
I got the packing list translated. Thank you Google 叔叔 (Uncle Google). Packed clothes and some extra snacks because you never know. But, the day before we left, I felt my heart racing and tension in my neck/shoulders area every time I thought about this trip. I took fifteen minutes and reflected on it.
I have gone on her other graduation trips, so what was different about this one? What emotions am I feeling about this upcoming trip? What thoughts do I hold that would cause these emotions?
It all came down to not knowing the plan. In my mind I needed to know where we were going; what was going to happen; what to expect. Well, thanks to my husband and Google 叔叔 I learned of the location, but that was it. I then remembered that the last time I went on an overnight trip with her and her class I had a “go with the flow” attitude. I can’t be honest and say that all the tension disappeared, but I can say that I noticed I began taking deeper breaths and relaxing. I worked the tension out with a roller later that evening.
The Trip:
Have a motto
Maybe you’ve heard this saying when you first moved to a new location, or maybe like me you have forgotten it. A friend reminded me of it as she was talking about a recent move and having to remind herself that where she is now is not like where she was previously living.
It’s not bad. It’s just different.
This became my motto for the entire trip.
Asian tour groups are known to have everyone follow the tour guide and not wander off to something that might interest you. They are also known for moving quickly so that you can see everything possible. That way you can get all the perfect photo ops. They are also known for having all the meals planned out in advanced at specific locations. And they help promote buying certain products.
This motto, along with the “go with the flow” attitude, proved to be very useful. For instance, the first day was spent going to three different places of interest. We rode the bus for about three hours stopping for bathroom breaks, of course. Our first stop was a cocoa farm where we saw how they make chocolate from cocoa beans. We even got to see some cocoa trees. We ate lunch there. The food was really good, except for one thing. At the end, we could drop a chocolate into the hotpot (think fish based soup with vegetables). According to my taste buds, fish based-soup and chocolate do not blend well together. But I remembered, It’s not bad; just different – yet I did not drink anymore as I was full from all the food we had eaten.
The second stop on the list was what was translated as an “elves garden.” When we arrived, I realized it was a garden with gnomes. They had some rabbits you could feed, but were not allowed to touch. Well, that proved difficult to avoid with an animal loving daughter. But, I tried. We were only “scolded” once. “Go with the flow” served me well here. They had costumes where we could dress up as gnomes. And as another famous quote goes: “when in Rome…”
From there we drove another hour to a deer farm. We were given instructions on what we could and could not do, then given metal tins with leaves and grain to wander around the lot with deer. They can be quite aggressive for such passive sweet looking animals.
From there was the hotel, where the fun did not stop. After supper they had a DIY project planned and the kids could dress up again. I was ready for bed and thankfully she was too.
Surprises:
With the “go with the flow” attitude, I could handle surprises: good or bad. Like not knowing we would be allowed to swim in the hotel pools and not bringing suits. Disappointing, but we found other things to do the next day.
Or finding out that there is not only a Starbucks at the last bathroom stop, but that they do have your favorite: Pumpkin Spiced. So, I treated M2 to her very first Pumpkin Spiced Frappuccino. Ahh, my little TCK did drink most of it, though she thought it was too sweet. Honestly, I thought so too.
Back Home
We got home and there were two things that I did that helped. First, I had prepared food before we left so I didn’t have to cook supper from scratch. Heat and serve – so easy. And the second, I declared Saturday a Travel Rest Day. We stayed in our PJs, watched movies, and rested all day.
I find that no matter how long I live overseas I am learning. Some days I learn from others; be it books, internet searches, or people with more knowledge. Other days I learn from experience. Yesterday I learned from both. A lesson that not just taught me about a fact of life, but reminded me of something about myself.
The Setting:
It has been hot here on the island. Handsome is visiting his parents. M2 is back in school this week after having three weeks off due to case numbers increasing. M3 is out of school for the summer. We had dinner plans to meet friends from out of town. So since I did not have to cook I decided I had time to water the house plants.
The Conflict:
This plant had a hole right in the middle of the pot. So did another one. These two plants sit on the top of a six foot shelf on either side of our TV cabinet. So, I did what any one of you would do. I got a stool and armed with my security type flashlight. (You know the long handle ones that are super durable) and checked out the crime scene. It was a mess. There was dirt and plant leaves strewn all over the shelf. I could not imagine what would do this, so I got out my phone and searched in the “Land of the Net”. You will not believe this. Or maybe you already know. But, rodents can dig in house plants to hide their food.
A rodent digging in my HOUSE plants. There is a possibility I have a rodent in the HOUSE again! You see last time my husband was gone for a period of time we had a rodent in the house.
At this point I only have speculation and no hard evidence, so with about 45 minutes before we are to leave I decide to investigate a bit more. I moved one of the shelves out from the wall. There on the floor was the evidence of poo, but that is not all. Out of the corner of my eye I see the end of a tail scurry out of sight.
I scream. M3 screams. M2 giggles as I pull her away from the potential new crime scene.
That is hard evidence.
We have less then 45 minutes to get rid of this rodent before we need to leave.
Rising Action: (Oh, yes this gets better…)
M2 changes her tune from giggling to screaming. Her Duplos are all over the floor in front of the TV. While I take all the breakable things off of the shelves and move the TV to a safer place, M2 picks up her Duplos and takes them to her room. Seriously, the fastest I have ever seen her pick up her toys.
M3 becomes the “gate keeper” to keep M2 in her room while I let in our amazing rodent killing dog, Marley! Marley is half Lab and half mountain dog- so a medium sized dog. She enters excited to be let in the house. But, quick to be on top of the scent, she darts behind the TV cabinet with her tail wagging back and forth. She begins pawing. I look at the clock and think we have half an hour or less until we need to leave.
I grab a broom ready to hit the rodent if it should come out. “Come on Marley, get that thing.”
Marley barks and scratches more. She is moving the cabinets out of the way like a machine. I’m glad that I moved all the breakables. “Is this such a good idea? What if she does get it, then what?”
I hear M2 voice my thoughts, “What if she gets it, Mom? Won’t that be gross?” I look behind me and M2 is now standing on a chair. I hear M3 giggling again. She is now sitting in the rocking chair in her undies trying to put on her shorts. Apparently she was so scared she had a an accident and was changing her clothes, but didn’t want to miss the action.
“This is almost a circus,” I think.
The rodent which I am now naming Ralph, must understand my look on my face because just then he races out from under the cabinet. I watch in slow motion as he stretches with each leap as if running the 100 meter sprint and he sees the red ribbon at the end.
We all scream. Ralph finds safety under the yet to be installed oven. When I say oven, I mean full size American oven. Marley continues to scratch by the cabinet…maybe she isn’t such a genius after all.
I look at the clock. Twenty minutes before we are to leave. I pull out the oven from the wall expecting it to run out like those oversized roaches do, but no Ralph. He is smart. He has crawled into the hole in the back, I think. I call Marley to sniff it out and sure enough, she again gets excited and whines.
I have fifteen minutes before we are to meet our friends outside to drive to the restaurant. M2 is pulling up her shorts. M3 is off of the chair. We cannot leave Ralph. I decide to go to the store to buy some sticky rodent traps to place around the oven in hopes that Ralph will jump on the gooey mess thinking it is a fun game while we are having dinner.
The girls are to stand watch to make sure it doesn’t go anywhere else.
At the store Handsome calls and the friends send me a message to let me know they have arrived. I give him the rundown as I speed walk up and down the aisles looking for the traps. I’m probably yelling at him on the phone, poor guy, asking him where the crazy things are located.
I buy three sets. That is six sticky traps. Think 8×10 picture frame with a super sticky substance where the photo should go. Surely this will work. As I’m paying I text my friends to tell them what is going on and that we would be ready in fifteen minutes. The cashier smiles in acknowledgement that I have a problem. I’m not sure if she is talking about Ralph or the fact that maybe a glass of something is needed to calm that poor foreign lady down. Either way, I nod in agreement and head home.
Climax:
At home, I welcome our friends and show them where to park. I wonder what they think of me. I thank God for that time I ate at their house and seemed calm and normal, because I am pretty sure I am not calm and normal right now. But, no time to worry about that.
In the house, I place all six traps around the oven while M3 prepares the live trap. M2 is suppose to be putting on her shoes. “Suppose” is the key word here – she doesn’t, but after a few words and looks we get our stuff together, say a prayer and shut the door.
Supper was a great distraction for us all. Laughs and good food. We even had mango ice – I felt we needed to celebrate catching Ralph.
Is it a good idea to ever celebrate early?
We got home. Turned on the lights to find.
Empty traps. All seven empty.
Conclusion:
Handsome calls again to check on us. I am at a loss. Do we just go to bed? The girls are nervous. Do we go to a friend’s house? Handsome talks me through it and I become a robot. I follow his instructions.
I put all the sticky traps in a safe place and let Marley back in to see if she can smell the rodent (I had to take his name away at this point) inside the oven. She wags her tails and whines. Love that dog.
In robot fashion, I put the traps in strategic places suggested by Handsome. Have I said that I love this guy and miss him?
We turn off the lights. I text a friend to pray. (Yes, yes I did pray that the Lord would have the little creature he made get into a trap).
I close the hallway door and use the dining room chair to block it shut. I get M2 ready for bed. I read a little and then sleep. I dream that I catch the rodent along with many of his cousins. “Oh, please let there not be more.”
When the sun rose the next day. I said a prayer and quietly took away the chair holding the hallway door shut. I found my flashlight and shined it into the kitchen. One. Two. Three. Four traps empty. I went to the other door and there it was on a sticky trap.
I sighed relief and then groaned as I knew I was going to have to bag it and put it outside.
Learning by experience has not always been the easiest of lessons, but ones that I have remembered the best. Yes, I learned that rodents can dig in house plants, but I was also reminded of something else about myself.
I am bound and stressed by Time. Go back and notice how often I note how much more time we had before we needed to be at the next thing. And maybe you can sense that I am getting more frazzled as time goes by. I notice this too in other areas of my life. I am more focused on the task instead of the relationship. My family notices it too.
This lesson comes up often as living overseas puts a stress on Time. It always takes more time to do things. And just when I think I have Mastered it, an uninvited guest comes into our home at just the right time for me to see that I still have work to do.
raisingTCKs 